Dear readers, this beautiful Monday marks our collective descent into the abyss. Many of us students find ourselves waking up to the academic reality we’ve been trying to ignore since Spring Break. Papers, finals, deadlines: It all comes down to these next two weeks.
Picture this: You’re in one of your political science, history or philosophy classes. Things are going well until the professor asks a politically charged question to the class. You know you’re in the extreme ideological minority, because the professor and 98 percent of the class hold the same beliefs.
Normally, Fridays are reserved for Darts & Laurels. But today, the Alligator would like to dedicate this editorial to the survivors of sexual assault, the victim advocates, nurses and detectives who work to heal survivors.
I’m starting to believe maturation means admitting how truly childish you are. If there’s any part of life in which maturation occurs the most, it has to be college.
Universities are the breeding grounds of tomorrow. Here, students, faculty and staff alike immerse themselves in a culture that obsesses about our well-being. Universities are consequently a microcosmic nation in themselves, filled with pockets of people and thickets of thinkers, that so directly emulate the world around them. Said plainly: Like apples falling from trees, students don’t fall far from their countries.
These past few weeks have seen an almost unprecedented movement in state governments across the country attacking LGBTQ+ rights in one way or another. The failed Georgia and successfully passed North Carolina and Mississippi religious liberty bills have caused widespread debate and condemnation across the country. It isn’t new; the respective “bathroom” and “wedding cake” wars have been playing out in state and local governments for the past couple years and have been evermore present since the Supreme Court’s marriage equality decision last summer.
"Floridians have been encouraged to believe that government could take care of us. But government always takes more than it gives back.” —Rick Scott, in his 2011 State of the State address.
It’s a beautiful world and a wonderful life, but these are also times of great civil unrest. Tensions between civilians and police, institutionalized racism and movements like “Occupy Wall Street” and “Fight for $15” are sobering reminders of such unrest. In light of all this strife, you’d think when a noteworthy example of nonviolent civil disobedience arises, there’d be relentless cable news coverage of it, right? Right?
Over the past few weeks, it appeared as though Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton were about ready to channel a Mortal Kombat-level deathmatch over each other’s qualifications. The fire may have subsided, but many voters, including us Alligator staffers, still wonder: Is either Sanders or Clinton truly qualified to be president? Better yet, what does it mean to be “qualified”?
Satire’s funny, right? Well, it can be. Cool, let’s talk about that then. Satire provides commentary through irony — sarcasm, in most cases. And, as I’ve spouted at least twice, irony or “subversion of expectation” is the root of all comedy. Saying one thing and meaning another. Presenting one perception and juxtaposing it with the truth. How much more pretentiously can I describe it? There will always be bigger words in the dictionary; you may as well aim low in that regard.
In a lawsuit filed last Tuesday, a small group of New England Patriots fans — not the same patriots from 250 years ago — demanded the NFL return the Patriots’ first-round draft pick. The draft pick was taken from the team by NFL commissioner Roger Goodell before last season in response to the questionably deflated footballs used by the New England team in the 2015 playoffs.
We live in a world full of myths. Never mind the tales of an undercover spy, or so-called “fairy” (likely Soviet-trained) sneaking into our children’s bedrooms to do Lord knows what with their precious teeth or the tales of a puppet hiding behind his nasal mutation to cover up his habitual dishonesty. No, we want to highlight supposedly truthful claims and offer a reminder of their unfounded foundations.
The young couple from Mississippi detained by federal authorities in August has, among other charges, pleaded guilty to conspiring to provide material support for the Kim Kardashian of radical Islamic militancy: the Islamic State. The aspiring American jihadists shocked and captured the attention of Americans throughout the country.
"Everything that is good is light, what is divine runs on delicate feet: first principle of my aesthetic,” declares Nietzsche in “The Case of Wagner.” Paul Valery claims in his notebooks that “(t)he preparation of a work consists of laboriously granting oneself the liberty of executing it lightly.” In his “Six Memos for the New Millennium,” Italo Calvino calls for lightness to combat “the slow petrification” of the world caused by “the inexorable stare of Medusa.”
Bathrooms: For some, they’re a sanctuary of privacy from incessantly annoying roommates. For others, they inspire a frantic cleaning spree before an unexpected visit from mom and dad. But for those in the transgender community, bathrooms represent civil struggle.
If civility isn’t dead in 2016, it’s pretty close to being put in the ground.
Personal health: the news topic that makes readers go, “Oh, I should start paying attention to that soon,” before moving on to read whatever Ann Coulter recently said about Hispanic people. But unlike Ms. Coulter, disregarding uncomfortable health conditions does not make them go away.
I went home recently for the weekend and had a grand time visiting hometown haunts and stuffing my face with home-cooked food. As a college student ready to throw herself into the throes of finals week, there is nothing like a visit home to provide a perfect relaxation boost — as well as a motivation boost. When family members start tentatively asking about grades, and you remember how hard they might have worked to afford to give you this stellar college education and the ability to go for your dreams, I personally rediscover a great motivating force to settling down in the library for a long haul of studying.
What a week it’s been, readers. We’ve got presidential candidates throwing shade at one another, Gainesville residents yelling at Florida governors in Starbucks, Star Wars Easter eggs and secrets circling our social media — and oh, yes, finals week rapidly approaching to wreak havoc on our precious grades. But in the meantime, thank you, readers, for tuning into our vain attempt at making sense of the world, our long-winded banter, our latest segment of…
Two weeks ago, noted hacker and white nationalist Andrew Auernheimer decided to access printers across the U.S. and churn out fliers with the following message:
Solutions by The State News
