Opinions - The Independent Florida Alligator

OPINION | COLUMNS

Column: Less remakes, more original movies

Aug. 23, 2016

At the end of the “Something Wall-Mart This Way Comes” episode of “South Park,” Stan and Kyle are face-to-face with the evil force behind the town of South Park’s addiction to consumption: “Wall-Mart,” in the flesh. The town has been colonized with the irresistibly low prices and bargain deals of the “Wall-Mart.” The local community is disintegrating, because no one shops anywhere else. Stan’s father, Randy, is the town’s most helpless victim: a man who forsakes his job to work at "Wall-Mart" for the minute employee discount. In an absurd sequence of events — it’s “South Park” we’re talking about — the boys find themselves at the heart of South Park’s problems, as usual.

OPINION | COLUMNS

Column: Conquer Fall 2016 with less stress

Aug. 23, 2016

Most of the time, students find themselves engaging in activities that help them cope with the stress of college. Some of these include overeating, getting emotional or trying new relaxing experiences. Sadly, some of the students start to get involved with harmful activities that dissociate them from their anxiety.

OPINION | EDITORIALS

Editorial: The bathroom battle and the need for an honest conversation

Aug. 22, 2016

Well, congratulations, Gator Nation, we made it through a successful first day together. Hopefully you now feel comfortable looking toward the rest of the semester. And even if you’re still feeling kinda “meh” about returning, consider yourself lucky — at least you got to pee in peace.

OPINION | COLUMNS

Opinion: Let’s fight the good fight with some clear heads

Aug. 22, 2016

Hello, everyone. To those of you who don’t know me, my name is Zachary Lee. To those of you who do know me and enjoy the column, I sincerely thank you for your time, and I’m glad you’ll be joining me again this Fall. To those of you who do know me and don’t like my column, thanks for reading it anyway. I’m grateful you read the column the way I watch Fox News: to hear the other side of the conversation.

OPINION | COLUMNS

Lessons from ‘Open Mike’: how to handle improv and open-mic nights

Aug. 22, 2016

No one calls me “Open Mike.”

OPINION | COLUMNS

Opinion: Two years late, Frank Ocean’s ‘Blonde’ teaches patience in the digital age

Aug. 22, 2016

Frank Ocean’s name will forever be linked to my languid, quiet Gainesville summers and feelings of intense disappointment. With so little to do in this collegiate ghost town, any word of the neo-soul artist’s elusive and highly anticipated second studio album was guaranteed to make my day. Ocean’s acclaimed debut studio album “Channel Orange” was the soundtrack of my waning high-school years and my personal introduction to how alternative rhythm and blues could sound and feel. “Pyramids” constantly streamed out of my car’s stereo, mixing with the sounds of teenage prattle and late nights on the interstate. So when the hype surrounding his next album began to reach a fever pitch, I was undoubtedly invested.

OPINION | EDITORIALS

Editorial: Not in Kansas anymore, Alligator pro-tips for Fall

Aug. 21, 2016

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, a displaced Midwesterner on a crazy acid trip turned to her dog-in-hand and said, “Toto, I have a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore.”

OPINION | COLUMNS

UF President Fuchs: Welcoming the semester with excitement, pride

Aug. 21, 2016

I am exhausted from the emotions of the past few days.

OPINION | COLUMNS

Welcome from your Student Body president

Aug. 21, 2016

Hello Gator Nation,

OPINION | LETTERS TO THE EDITOR

Do your part to prevent the spread of the Zika virus

Aug. 21, 2016

The beginning of the new school year is an opportunity for all students to help curb the spread of the Zika virus by practicing good habits, which include using mosquito repellent, spilling standing water to prevent mosquitoes from breeding and taking measures to reduce the chances of sexual transmission.

OPINION | EDITORIALS

Editorial: A reflection on SG, the Supreme Court and online voting

Aug. 4, 2016

Governance can be difficult. There are many different competing interests to bear in mind. So, what’s the best way to maintain all of this? Transparency.

OPINION | COLUMNS

Opinion: Bidding farewell to Gainesville, UF and all y’all

Aug. 3, 2016

Over the past two years I’ve learned a lot, and it has been an immense privilege to be able to share my opinion with all of you once a week. I had my first opinion piece published in a newspaper when I was thirteen, and since then it has always been a thrill to see my writing in print, but also somewhat terrifying!

OPINION | COLUMNS

Column: An editor’s goodbye, a message for all the world

Aug. 3, 2016

I could use this column to tell you how much I love Gainesville and the surrounding areas — places where you can swim in a cave at Devil’s Den, join the drunken zoo that is Midtown or watch thousands of bats fly into the sunset at UF’s Bat Barn and Bat House.

OPINION | COLUMNS

Opinion: What we have to be worried about in Florida today (Surprise: everything)

Aug. 3, 2016

The health of our unborn children is at stake — if they are born in Florida, that is. Everyone should run for the hills, aka somewhere that isn’t flatland Florida. What with the sudden lightning storms that can crop up at any minute, the 14 cases of Zika infections found in the Wynwood area of Miami-Dade, the alligator attacks, the vicious road rage due to our standstill traffic and a host of other dangerous occurrences that happen daily in our “sunshine” state, nowhere is safe. Even the people here have been lumped together as the crazed “Florida Man.” National headlines read, “Florida Man accidentally shoots himself during job interview at elementary school” and “Florida Man attempts to smoke crack in ICU, almost burns down hospital.” It’s no wonder the people here are close to self-immolating.

OPINION | EDITORIALS

Editorial: Reimagining the 2000 election that never was

Aug. 1, 2016

It’s the last week of classes, and you’re diligently studying for finals in a library, coffee shop or “Pokegym” of preference. At least, that’s what you tell your people back home. Of course, like any college student in 2016, you’re in awe at the debacle that is our presidential election, dying for a conclusion to the endless media cycles of the “what-he-said-versus-what-she-said” between the two main candidates.

OPINION | COLUMNS

Opinion: Summer’s end, the mighty storm ahead

Aug. 1, 2016

In the opening scene of the adored Disney classic “High School Musical,” an eclectic set of multi-dimensional and well-intended teenagers burst out of a classroom in song, vividly expressing the excitement of the summer vacation to come. For those of you whose teenage blunder years were also not nearly as animated as this scene, there was one student made for us. In the back of the classroom, for the entirety of what is really just this obnoxious flashmob, an adolescent young man lays head-in-arms on his desk.

OPINION | COLUMNS

Opinion: Goals and possibilities in microbiology

Aug. 1, 2016

Smaller pieces create what we consider life. Therefore, understanding the building blocks of existence makes us not researchers, but rather seekers of understanding. These were the welcoming words of Dr. Juan Manuel Lopez-Alcorocho, the director of quality control of Amplicel, on the first day of my internship.

OPINION | EDITORIALS

Darts & Laurels: July 28, 2016

July 27, 2016

Summer ’16: Here we are, dear readers — the end of an era. It’s been long, hot, sweaty, rainy, long, hot — did we mention hot? It’s crazy how time flies. Five weeks ago, so many of us returned to classes, while many others stepped on campus for the very first time: so young, fresh, innocent. Now, we’re all stuck between the misery of finals and the perilous hopes of a longer summer, watching what feels like a reprisal of “The Twilight Zone” on the news.

OPINION | COLUMNS

Opinion: Bring back the old Colbert

July 27, 2016

Throughout high school, I spent my weekday mornings watching “The Daily Show” and “The Colbert Report” before having to catch the bus for school. As the complexity of classes increased, so did the need for a working knowledge for the world around me. But traditional news shows were too biased or analysis on economic policy was followed by the latest fashion trends. So, like many teens, I felt the best way to catch up on current events was to watch satirized segments to truly understand what was going on.

OPINION | COLUMNS

Opinion: The pains and joys of learning Yoruba (or any language)

July 27, 2016

For the past seven weeks I have been engaged in an intensive language program, studying Yoruba for eight hours a day. I have studied and speak six other languages, including Swahili and Arabic, and I can say with complete certainty Yoruba is by far the most challenging and difficult of them all.