Here at the Alligator, we just can't wait for the weekend. We know it's only Tuesday, but hear us out. It might only be the second day of fall, but that means that we're four days away from the first Gators football game of the year, and nothing reminds us more of summer than sweaty fun in the Swamp.
If you're anything like us, then you sprint toward the door the second lecture ends to make it back to your apartment in time for Comedy Central's midday hour of "Scrubs." We can't blame you for rushing home so you can attempt to memorize Dr. Cox's obnoxiously long-winded retorts.
During my two years at the Alligator, I've heard all the criticism UF students and Gainesville residents have to offer.
Earlier this year, I attended a handful of rallies for Democratic presidential hopeful Sen. Barack Obama. Talking with other participants made it clear that few of them could agree on the specifics of this change.
Fall is finally here, and we are being greeted with some of the old traditions that we've come to hold so close to our hearts.
Congratulations, you made it. You have matriculated to one of the most prestigious public universities in the entire United States. You are now an official member of The Gator Nation. Allow us to offer you a hearty Orange and Blue welcome. We would also like to give you some unsolicited and hopefully useful advice about what to expect and how to take full advantage of the fantastic voyage upon which you are about to embark.
Oh, to be young again, when I thought homework was for pansies, a fake ID was golden, withdrawing from a class would never come back to haunt me and hangovers only lasted an hour, if at all. Just as I did, all you incoming freshmen will have ample opportunities to make mistakes (and hopefully learn from them). And as someone who has been at UF for six years, at the very least I can pass on a little wisdom to all you whippersnappers to help you get the most out of your undergraduate experience.
There's a lot of advice I could give you about the next four years of your life. There's a ton of stuff I could tell you that you should or shouldn't do and a mass of truisms I could throw at you about how important education is or whatever. I'm sure you've heard it all before.
You could best describe the current mood at the Department of Darts and Laurels as ambivalent. Summer classes have finally come to an end, and we're stuck somewhere in between nostalgia and euphoria.
Given their Nixon-esque polling numbers, it's safe to say that President George W. Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney are not exactly the most popular pair to grace 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. In fact, only about 25 percent of people think our feckless leader is doing a good job. Incidentally, the same percentage of people predicted that the second coming of Jesus would occur in 2007. I've got a hunch that there's a lot of overlap in those two groups.
Last week, the 11th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals issued an injunction compelling UF administrators to officially recognize an organization that openly discriminates against people based on their religion or irreligion, as the case may be, as well as on the basis of gender.
About a month ago, Florida's new "guns-at-work" law went into effect. The law allows employees with valid concealed weapons licenses to keep their guns in their cars while at work.
There are 3.7 million Floridians without health insurance. That means if you are under the age of 65, there's about a 1 in 4 chance that a serious illness would drive you into bankruptcy. But fear not - Gov. Charlie Crist has a plan. He calls it Cover Florida, and with it, he hopes to reduce the number of uninsured by offering them affordable premiums.
A recent letter to the editor by Kyle Morgan made outrageous claims about economic regulation. Mr. Morgan obviously has a very tenuous hold on reality if he thinks that more deregulation is the answer to our economic woes when in fact, the opposite is true.
The final countdown has begun. One week until summer break. The beginning of the end of summer classes means that tailgating and tackle football are on the horizon. And while we at the Department of Darts and Laurels can't wait to see Tebow and Co. run all over the "competition," we're determined to conclude the summer with the patented satirical smack-downs that you've come to expect from these pages. As summer classes wind down to a close, we hope you've enjoyed the summer edition of what has become something of an institution (no, we're not presumptuous at all) in The Gator Nation. We thank you for humoring us as we've offered scathing indignation and effusive gratitude, not usually in equal portions, in reaction to the news of the week. So without further ado, we offer the second-to-last summer installment of …
Your recent editorial regarding my new assignment misstated and omitted a number of important facts.
If one goes by the adage "all press is good press," then Mr. Simmons' column is correct: Sen. Barack Obama has been receiving more media coverage than Sen. John McCain since the end of the primary season.
This is in regard to the Dart handed out to conservative radio talk show host Michael Savage in the July 24 edition of the Alligator for comments he made about autistic children.
As a result of the worst budget crisis in state history, Florida's colleges and universities have been forced to leave vacant positions unfilled, eliminate or incapacitate various degree programs and hand out pink slips to faculty members in order to cope with the state Legislature's refusal to fully fund higher education.
If your experience has been anything like mine, you've been surrounded by Obamamania for the better part of the past several months. It's not related, as much as you might expect, to spending most of the day on a college campus, where support for the master orator is pervasive and contagious. Rather, like most Americans, I've been bombarded with thinly veiled propaganda from the mainstream media in support of the hope-monger for longer than I care to remember.
Solutions by The State News
