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Sunday, May 24, 2026

Opinion

Florida Alligator
Opinion

Columnists should be more serious

I am writing to lodge a complaint against Tommy Maple and Ryan Spencer. A column is an opportunity to make people think about ideas and issues in a way that other sections of the newspaper can’t. I believe the two of you often squander this opportunity in an effort to sound humorous and smart. As an avid reader of The New Yorker, where high-brow, and often convoluted language ultimately serves as a flourish to a more important point, I encourage Maple and Spencer to have a little more respect for their readers. I often finish one of their columns and find that thought-provoking substance occupies a marginal space, and the remainder is a weekly exercise in the stringing together of forced metaphors. Now, I know that these columns are supposed to be humorous, and I think they both have a talent for humor. I only ask that if you’re going to write a column with a subject matter of importance, that the subject matter get a little more airtime next to the humor.


Florida Alligator
Opinion

Reader tired of people defending student in shooting incident

I’m tired of everyone standing up for Kofi. You only have a problem because he is a student like you. You have no reason to defend him. In case you didn’t know, he had been sending e-mails to staff accusing them of wanting to kill him. He was also under the impression he was going to be kidnapped and taken to Africa and slain. He was either on drugs or completely insane. The police officers who broke into his apartment were in the right. They did exactly what they were trained to do. There is no such thing as police brutality. The police are trained to do whatever it takes to subdue a problem. People just blow it out of proportion. Stop defending Kofi, and stop trying to fight the police officers.


Florida Alligator
Opinion

Protesters should consider officers’ perspective in shooting

I feel the public is ignoring one side of the graduate student shooting incident, probably because it is easier to identify with the student and not with the police officers. People say things like “I feel like this could happen to me,” or “This should have been handled by mental health professionals,” without really thinking about the situation.


Florida Alligator
Opinion

Chivalry is alive and kicking

A gentleman is as gentle as the woman he wishes to impress or pursue. When we see chivalry as a long-forgotten, dusty corpse, it means that somewhere inside we have murdered it. The problem with our generation is not that we don’t know how to court, but that women have forgotten how to be women and men have become utterly confused as a result.


Florida Alligator
Opinion

UF suffers zombie-hater infection

There is a vast hoard arising at UF. It is recognizable by the hoard’s pasty, livid complexions. You can spot them a mile off by their awkward, stumbling, limp gaits. However, the best way to spot one of these bastion’s life-sucking buggers is to get up close and personal, so you can see the dead, hopeless gaze in their eyes.


Florida Alligator
Opinion

UPD’s CIRT officers are unqualified

It goes without saying that students should not have to fear the police who are employed to protect them. Kofi Adu-Brempong’s incident is surely a moment the University Police Department should learn from. But the student organizations calling for the end of the Critical Incident Response Team are clearly missing the point.


Florida Alligator
Opinion

Amendment Zero: solution for ‘Kongress’

One of the great mysteries of our time is the paradox of state government. Every few years, each state in our great union selects the brightest and most talented descendants of privilege and sends them away to plot out the boundaries of our daily lives. Just like clockwork, these seemingly divine figures time and again fail to deliver on their promises and the effulgent nature of their haircuts.


Florida Alligator
Opinion

Editorial Board should pull the stick out and have more fun

Dear anonymous, uptight dude who hates the Humans vs. Zombies game: You suck. Life’s too short to hate on others who are enjoying themselves, be they nerd, jock, or a jerk like you. This game is an international hit, and one out of every 50 UF students are registered to play. Registration for this game is double that of February’s game. But, not you. No, you’re too busy hating others who are breathing way too much of your oxygen as they run past you with grins, Nerf guns and fake blood on their faces. So guy, pull the stick out, have a little fun, and purge the green monster from your soul or you will be forever unhappy — a fate worse than being an actual zombie.


Florida Alligator
Opinion

Students should consider working for the federal government

It’s just about that time of year again. If you are an underclassman like me, the economy is still looking down and you could use a well-paying internship or job to get you through the summer. For those UF seniors about to enter the real world, the job market is looking especially rough.


Florida Alligator
Opinion

Nerf gun ban important

I think the Nerf gun ban is important, because we have an undertrained, undereducated police department that has consistently demonstrated incompetence in making emergency decisions. I mean really, how many AR-15 rifle shots to the head to we need to understand that?


Florida Alligator
Opinion

Cartoonist should not have portrayed rabies as ridiculous cause

Carly Coleman’s portrayal of rabies as a “ridiculous cause” recognized in April perfectly illustrates one of the many reasons rabies awareness is important: ignorance. Rabies causes horrific deaths in people and animals, and not all cases are so far distanced from our American microcosm. Rabies is a viral disease that infects the central nervous system, and once clinical signs are apparent, the disease is essentially 100 percent fatal in all species.


Florida Alligator
Opinion

Tea-bags

We hate to keep writing about the ridiculous antics of the Tea Party because it makes us worried that any discussion of them will give them more power. That said, we thought about it but decided that shining a light on all of their insane behaviors is better than being afraid to talk about them.


Florida Alligator
Opinion

Editorial made too big of deal out of Humans v Zombies

I was thrilled to find myself chuckling at reading the editorial on the Humans vs. Zombies game. Even players should have a laugh at their nominated status, as if life as we know it veered into some off-beat version of “Revenge of the Nerds,” and the writer somehow imagined himself as the jock on campus (though said writer may not laugh when jocks get zombie fever, too).



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