Before Yoda — the force-sensitive and elderly cousin of Kermit the Frog — effervesced into the great beyond in 1980, he left us with this peerless wisdom: “Do or do not. There is no try.”
On Monday morning I was rolled up in my blankets, all of my extremities icy, waiting on the motivation to get out of bed. It was in this state that I shut off my phone alarm, looked through my missed texts and learned that David Bowie had died.
The atmosphere on the first day of a big lecture class, at least before the professor arrives, is something akin to a rock concert that’s going to immediately sour. Everyone has some semblance of a clue as to why they’re there, but no one has an idea of what this event — the performance of entertaining the attention of as many as 600 students — is really going to be like.
I suffer from generalized anxiety disorder and depression. I’m not ashamed of it, and I don’t let it define me. I’ve done as much as I can to educate myself on my illnesses so I’m properly equipped to keep them managed as much as possible. However, there are times when it feels like I’m losing the battle, and that’s when I seek outside help.
We’re not going to lie to you readers of the finest newspaper collegiate journalism has to offer: It’s been a pretty godawful, downcast week.
It’s more likely than not every person in the world has, at least once, seen a tree. As human beings, we cannot live without trees: They clean our air, provide oxygen, conserve energy, save water, prevent water pollution and soil erosion, offer food and healing and create economic opportunities. I could go on, noting how they create a canopy and habitat for wildlife, provide wood and combat climate change. This last one is particularly critical, as the Paris Climate Change Conference attested to it. As stated by Trust for Public Land, a nonprofit organization dedicated to conserving land, “a single grown tree can release enough oxygen back into the atmosphere to support two human beings.”
If this election cycle will be remembered for anything, it will be not only for the amount of candidates, but also for the sheer amount of polling conducted. The average news watcher is bombarded with percentage points on a daily basis when reading or watching the news. The only other place you could get this many numbers is when Bernie Sanders talks about economic reform and taxing the one percent.
"S1.5 billions dollars, nothing to lose.” This cute little mantra we just made up seems to be the prevailing attitude among millions of Americans this week, as the country collectively rushes to the nearest gas station, supermarket or liquor store to buy their way into a chance at changing their lives forever.
With Tuesday night’s State of the Union address, the Obama presidency informally began its final act.
I’d like to thank everyone who emailed me last week about my column’s new literary focus. I greatly appreciate the support and the interest. In the future, if you’d like to email me with column suggestions, please direct your emails to sbg_column@aol.com.
Do you remember the first few weeks of elementary school? Because, when looking at the other side of the globe, it seems like some leaders forgot life lessons taught to them when they were children.
"You like potato and I like potahto,
Being like-minded with those who sought a fitness renaissance in the New Year, I went to a sporting goods store last week and purchased a dorky pair of running shoes. The half-off marking, coupled with the promise of a more efficient and healthy respiratory system, had my head and hopes high. Leaving the store, box of Asics in hand, I passed by a panderer who was making his last pleas before the night set in. It was less empathetic and more in the spirit of karmic rectification that I gave the man a few dollars in spare change. During the rummage I happened upon a pack of Marlboro 27’s in my pocket and, once again being altruistic, opted to donate the rest of my rather full pack to the strip-mall nomad who wanted for so much.
Any successful strategy against ISIS will ultimately require both a military and political campaign. On the one hand, our military campaign has proven relatively successful. On the other, our political opposition to ISIS needs considerable improvement. Before going any further, let’s establish some context.
No sooner than after Monday’s editorial on manatees, we have unfortunately found ourselves once again writing on a subject featured in last week’s “Darts & Laurels.” Monday, the world at large mourned the loss of musician David Bowie, who passed away Sunday after succumbing to an 18-month-long battle with cancer.
As Jan. 1 neared, many media outlets published articles that reviewed and ranked the most noteworthy events of the past 365 days. For many left-wing publications, the event that gained the most praise was the 2015 United Nations Paris Climate Change Conference. This event, apparently the most important and consequential event of the past year, was magnificently monumental in nature. Because of the hot air emissions created at the talks and coupled with the negotiators’ unduly self-praise, the media declared that all of the polar bears clinging onto nearly liquid glaciers can rest easy.
In last week’s Darts & Laurels, we awarded a Laurel to Florida’s manatee population for making a tremendous comeback. This was spurred on by the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service’s announcement Thursday that they were seeking to reclassify the West Indian manatee from “endangered” to “threatened.”
"Nothing is true; everything is permitted.”
I don’t have an Instagram. I’d like to pretend it’s because I’m too subversive for social media, but the truth is I’m too lazy for it. After witnessing my friends pour hours into photo capturing and filter selection, I decided it wasn’t worth the effort. Putting on makeup for a first-day-of-school selfie? Please.
As the first week of the new year draws to a close, so too does the first week of Spring semester. As anyone who has ever picked up an Alligator on a Friday could tell you, this means it’s time for the most beloved of traditions, the one thing that keeps the Opinions section sane after a week of depressing headlines and deadlines… Darts & Laurels.
Solutions by The State News
