When asked on “Meet the Press“ if he would consider being another candidate’s running mate, Ohio governor and presidential hopeful John Kasich answered, “No! Under no circumstances…You pundits got to get out of Washington. You don’t understand me.”
Hello, world: This is your Alligator opinions editor, David, chiming in on Trevor Noah’s set. Now, some of you might be wondering why this editorial’s being written in the first-person rather than from the perspective of the entire staff. Well, most of us stayed put at the office to turn out this paper for you, so it’d be a little strange for me to represent an opinion we don’t all necessarily have. And secondly, as with any relationship, be it boyfriend and girlfriend, spouse and spouse, newspaper and audience — you know, the truest of romances — a little spontaneity and new energy can be revitalizing. So, without further ado: How about that Trevor Noah set?
"Iron Man” was a great film. Robert Downey Jr. gave us a new, strangely lovable superhero to devour popcorn to. Tony Stark was refreshing, the story was intriguing, the explosions were bigger and better and it reminded us just how awesome superhero movies can be.
Even after the successful nuclear deal, the U.S. relationship with Iran is still contentious. The leader of Iran still often leans on nationalistic and religious extremes in order to keep his control of the country. Meanwhile, the Western media focuses much of its coverage on controversial issues, such as the chants of “death to America,” the capture and eventual return of U.S. Navy officers after their boat broke down in Iranian waters and Iran’s continued missile testing. But the one thing Western media has been hesitant, or unwilling, to discuss is the set of elections that occurred in early March.
In the early hours of Monday, March 21, deputies and police in Gainesville were forced to shoot 16-year old Robert Dentmond after he refused to drop what was later found to be a replica assault rifle.
Hello, Gators!
The European “explorers” who stumbled upon the Western Cape of South Africa and proceeded to murder the region’s indigenous knew they had found their promised land. After all, why should a land and its resources belong to its native inhabitants?
It was only a matter of time until Trump and Cruz’s wives were dragged into this bizarre, machismo-fueled Republican primary race. In an election campaign seemingly more concerned with how big Trump’s “hands” are than with actual political discourse, no one’s shocked these potential first ladies have been reduced to nothing more than weapons — but that doesn’t make it any less unsettling.
This is a shout-out to the ladies out there, to all of the unexpectedly adorned mothers and regretful soon-to-be baby daddies: We apologize. We apologize on behalf of our state legislature and Gov. Rick Scott, who signed the wide-sweeping anti-abortion bill into law Friday. Now our Sunshine State is on the path to joining other states, such as Texas and Mississippi, with oppressive anti-abortion legislation in circulation or already in place.
We live in a world full of myths. Never mind the tales of full-grown, orphaned men laying waste to our city streets in fighting over who can pull off the better tights-and-cape combo, or the tales of bewildered country leaders decrying man-induced climate change a hoax by bringing a snowball onto the Senate floor during a committee hearing. (Wait, that might have actually happened last year with a certain Sen. Jim Inhofe, R-Okla.)
Yes, I am alive. Despite my hilariously controversial column last week, I emerged from the backlash unscathed. I don’t take the criticism personally — I find it hard to take offense from peasants. Despite this, the folks who responded negatively were aggressive. I don’t feel comfortable walking through campus anymore; I’m afraid I’ll be assaulted by a radical follower of the #StopMichael movement. So, I’ve shaved my beard and placed a paper bag over my head to hide from potential assassins.
College is already hard enough as it is. Why would you even think about something like a student credit card to add to the number of things you have to be responsible for? Well, just like your degree will be a part of you long after you graduate, so will your credit score. A student credit card can be your ticket to graduating with an excellent credit score, which will leave you with plenty of handy financial options.
Free birds, Bernie supporters and Portland, Oregon: The only thing possibly more hippie-liberal is Bob Marley delivering a Hendrix-signed guitar to Che Guevara while driving a quinoa-and-kale-fueled smart car littered with “Imagine” and “co-exist” paraphernalia. Clearly the latter only resides in the daydreams of those who take bathroom breaks during work at precisely 4:20 p.m. However, the former actually took place on Friday: A cute, little bird landed on Bernie’s stage and then flew atop his podium during his rally speech. Some view the appearance of this bird as a sign of providence, of Bernie’s pure-hearted candidacy, Mother Nature’s Princess Leia appealing to Bernie to say, “Help me Bernie-Wan Kenobi. You’re my only hope”: not us at the Alligator.
It’s not enough to have representation — LGBTQ+ characters need to be alive and acknowledged, too. This seems logical, but it’s clearly not practiced in the media, which regularly practices tokenism: including a character of a certain identity but then not going anywhere with it. For example, in the recent Deadpool movie, Deadpool’s bisexual identity was not explicitly acknowledged. While it’s great those who follow the comics know he’s bisexual, most people had no idea, so it’s difficult to say this “counts” in terms of representation. It’s similar to how any movie Thor is in does not count as representation of women, even though Marvel Entertainment writer Jason Aaron made the new comic-book Thor a woman as of fall 2014. Representation in the media still leaves much to be desired.
A French girl studying to become a translator told me, “It’s easier to do some things in a foreign language, and it’s harder to do other things. It’s harder to be intimate, and it’s easier to get men.” In German and English, she didn’t have a pre-constructed barrier against men; she was less inhibited because she didn’t have the habit of inhibition. “I’ve always had to break up in English,” I told her, “but I sure do get pretty when I stop speaking it.” We laughed and clinked our beers.
This month marks the sixth anniversary of the Affordable Care Act, also known as Obamacare. Since its passage in 2010, more than 20 million people have signed up for affordable health care through healthcare.gov.
It’s been a difficult week, readers. We’ve seen tragedies both at home and abroad, and many of us are still reeling in the aftermath. But as the saying goes: Today is a new day filled with hope and opportunity. So thank you, readers, for tuning into our optimistic look forward, our lighthearted musings, our latest segment of….
Obesity in the U.S. is a problem. At a whopping 35 percent of U.S adults, it may even be an epidemic. While the severity of this phenomenon is undeniable, there’s a certain attitude commonly adopted toward obese people that bothers me. “Why don’t they just EAT less?” a friend once asked me, “or, like, not eat garbage? Try a salad!” She said this while pushing a grocery cart full of $3 strawberries and $5 organic lettuce.
"Aw Jesus, here too?” — was essentially my reaction to news that, Sunday night, nine officers opened fire on Robert Dentmond, a 16-year-old holding a replica rifle. Dentmond died shortly thereafter — after all, nine people shot at him.
Dear President Fuchs,
Solutions by The State News
