Opinion | Columns - The Independent Florida Alligator

OPINION | COLUMNS

Sex with an ex: reflections and lessons from going back to that special person

Aug. 30, 2016

Last Spring, I was crushing on a bespectacled girl with green hair in my European literature class. I asked her out on a Wednesday, and she told me she had a boyfriend. I felt terribly sorry for myself the rest of the day. I got home and furiously moped to The Smiths in my bedroom for several hours. Then I moved to scribbling short stanzas of melodramatic verse, like: “Your hair is greener than the grass I want to lie in with you while we f---.”

OPINION | COLUMNS

Column: Saying goodbye to Gawker and mainstream anarchist journalism

Aug. 29, 2016

For the last week, the scandal that plagued Gawker.com has remained silent, its front page littered with parting words from editors and writers alike. Their headlines include, “How Guilty Should I Feel?” “Gawker Was Murdered by Gaslight,” and “What Was Gawker?” These final articles read like obituaries, mourning the impending shutdown of a site that, according to Gawker.com writer Hamilton Nolan, was, “anarchist journalism at it’s finest.”

OPINION | COLUMNS

Column: A conch shell of its former self, SpongeBob

Aug. 29, 2016

You’ve seen “SpongeBob SquarePants,” right? There’s, like, no way you haven’t. I’m pretty confident in saying it defined a generation — that’s not too far-fetched. “SpongeBob SquarePants” was a show filled with wit, character and charm. The comedy was smart despite its status as a children’s show, so we look back on it with warm regard rather than just with nostalgia goggles. But, its quality has declined in past years; the show is really a conch shell of its former self, and it’s something I’d like to analyze.

OPINION | COLUMNS

Column: In tennis, ‘Love’ means… absolutely nothing

Aug. 29, 2016

For those of you who are not acquainted with how we philosophy majors behave, let me familiarize you: Have you ever met someone who argues simply because they can? This weekend I was sitting with some fellow philosophy undergraduates in our natural habitat, a sanitarily adequate dive bar, talking about "college relationships." Are they superficial? Do they contribute to the development of maturity? As Hillary Clinton’s social-media intern would ask, “WTF is up wit dat lol #ImWitHurrrr.”

OPINION | COLUMNS

Column: Are presidential polls legitimate?

Aug. 28, 2016

Let’s face it: People are impatient. And as the future’s chances of significantly changing people’s lives increases, the more impatient people become. Election results in November could push, or violently shove, America in the wrong direction for the next four years, which is why Americans look to presidential polls for a glimpse into what the future holds. The problem is that presidential polls are becoming as legitimate as the candidates themselves.

OPINION | COLUMNS

Column: A proverb reminds us how important work-life balance is

Aug. 28, 2016

There was once a fisherman who lived on an island with his family. Every day, he would catch enough fish to feed him and his family. Then, he would enjoy the rest of the day with his wife and children, playing guitar, singing and dancing throughout the night.

OPINION | COLUMNS

Guest: Help our earth: Reduce your use of plastics

Aug. 28, 2016

A widely known article, “The Tragedy of Commons,” written by Garrett Hardin, is used in many fields to analyze human behavior. The tragedy is an economic problem that occurs when individuals exploit a common or shared resource. As a result, the demand overwhelms supply, and the resource becomes unavailable to other groups. Individuals neglect the well-being of the group in pursuit of personal gain without regard for others; individuals benefit in the short-term but the group loses in the long run. This situation has implications for the use of resources, sustainability and the depletion of nonrenewable resources. And all of these factors coalesce in the grand catastrophe our generation faces: global warming — the increase of Earth’s average surface temperature due to a ton of emissions or pollutants, like carbon dioxide emissions from the production and incineration of plastic bags.

OPINION | COLUMNS

Column: UF should extend the drop/add period for classes

Aug. 25, 2016

Riddle me this. Classes began Aug. 22, and by Aug. 26, only four days later, UF students are expected to have decided whether they want to drop their course. If not, they have to pay for it anyway.

OPINION | COLUMNS

Column: A strain between Iran and Russia, What does it mean?

Aug. 25, 2016

Last week, Iran and Russia reached a historic agreement that allowed Russia to launch military strikes from Iranian bases in order to “fight terrorism” and continue propping up the Assad regime. Considering no foreign military has operated from Iran since World War II, this was a considerable step forward for Russia and, as I see it, a considerable step backward for the millions of Syrians on the ground who feel firsthand the brunt of Assad’s regime. A Russia more involved in Iran and Syria is bad for everyone.

OPINION | COLUMNS

Column: Why the NBC broadcast has failed the Olympic message

Aug. 24, 2016

Don’t get me wrong: Michael Phelps is, indeed, one of the greatest athletes of our time. The man has pushed the limits of his sport, and as a former swimmer from a family of swimmers, I have the utmost respect for his contribution to the sport. That being said, it is time for Americans to stop turning the Olympics — an event created to celebrate all countries and their contributions to athleticism — into the Michael-Phelps-and-America Show.

OPINION | COLUMNS

Column: Reflections on my final days with my father

Aug. 24, 2016

I’m not an overly emotional person. This is obvious to those who know me well. But as I sit at my desk writing this column — my first for the Alligator — I can’t keep the tears from slowly streaming down my face and splashing onto my keyboard. Two weeks ago, my father passed away after a long fight with cancer. He was 53.

OPINION | COLUMNS

Column: Undocumented is a better term than ‘illegal’

Aug. 23, 2016

Illegal parkers, illegal drinkers and illegal immigrants: What do they have in common?

OPINION | COLUMNS

Column: Less remakes, more original movies

Aug. 23, 2016

At the end of the “Something Wall-Mart This Way Comes” episode of “South Park,” Stan and Kyle are face-to-face with the evil force behind the town of South Park’s addiction to consumption: “Wall-Mart,” in the flesh. The town has been colonized with the irresistibly low prices and bargain deals of the “Wall-Mart.” The local community is disintegrating, because no one shops anywhere else. Stan’s father, Randy, is the town’s most helpless victim: a man who forsakes his job to work at "Wall-Mart" for the minute employee discount. In an absurd sequence of events — it’s “South Park” we’re talking about — the boys find themselves at the heart of South Park’s problems, as usual.

OPINION | COLUMNS

Column: Conquer Fall 2016 with less stress

Aug. 23, 2016

Most of the time, students find themselves engaging in activities that help them cope with the stress of college. Some of these include overeating, getting emotional or trying new relaxing experiences. Sadly, some of the students start to get involved with harmful activities that dissociate them from their anxiety.

OPINION | COLUMNS

Opinion: Let’s fight the good fight with some clear heads

Aug. 22, 2016

Hello, everyone. To those of you who don’t know me, my name is Zachary Lee. To those of you who do know me and enjoy the column, I sincerely thank you for your time, and I’m glad you’ll be joining me again this Fall. To those of you who do know me and don’t like my column, thanks for reading it anyway. I’m grateful you read the column the way I watch Fox News: to hear the other side of the conversation.

OPINION | COLUMNS

Lessons from ‘Open Mike’: how to handle improv and open-mic nights

Aug. 22, 2016

No one calls me “Open Mike.”

OPINION | COLUMNS

Opinion: Two years late, Frank Ocean’s ‘Blonde’ teaches patience in the digital age

Aug. 22, 2016

Frank Ocean’s name will forever be linked to my languid, quiet Gainesville summers and feelings of intense disappointment. With so little to do in this collegiate ghost town, any word of the neo-soul artist’s elusive and highly anticipated second studio album was guaranteed to make my day. Ocean’s acclaimed debut studio album “Channel Orange” was the soundtrack of my waning high-school years and my personal introduction to how alternative rhythm and blues could sound and feel. “Pyramids” constantly streamed out of my car’s stereo, mixing with the sounds of teenage prattle and late nights on the interstate. So when the hype surrounding his next album began to reach a fever pitch, I was undoubtedly invested.

OPINION | COLUMNS

Welcome from your Student Body president

Aug. 21, 2016

Hello Gator Nation,

OPINION | COLUMNS

UF President Fuchs: Welcoming the semester with excitement, pride

Aug. 21, 2016

I am exhausted from the emotions of the past few days.

OPINION | COLUMNS

Column: An editor’s goodbye, a message for all the world

Aug. 3, 2016

I could use this column to tell you how much I love Gainesville and the surrounding areas — places where you can swim in a cave at Devil’s Den, join the drunken zoo that is Midtown or watch thousands of bats fly into the sunset at UF’s Bat Barn and Bat House.