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Thursday, September 26, 2024

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Florida Alligator
NEWS  |  CAMPUS

What they didn't tell you at Preview

If you've made it to this page by now, you probably want to slug a small child for all the Orange and Blue fapping that I've allowed to take place in this New Student Edition. I know you don't give two squirts of R. Kelly's piss about Gator Nights or the smorgasbord of student clubs that provide good, clean Christian fun - you want to know the best place you can pound booze and get away with sexual harassment without the long dick of the law getting in your way. I know I sure as hell did.


Florida Alligator
NEWS  |  CAMPUS

UF administration cares about students

At UF, we are very lucky. Our Student Body is incredibly talented in a variety of ways. Many of our faculty and staff are nationally or internationally recognized in their fields. The awards and points of pride are vast and diverse. Here are some examples: Our Career Resource Center is ranked No. 1 in the country; our fishing club continues to win national championships; faculty make miraculous discoveries; our Student Alumni Association is the largest in the United States and much more. However, despite the many accolades and a tremendously caring community reminiscent of a much smaller institution, there still remain students in distress.


Florida Alligator
NEWS  |  CAMPUS

Only you can make or break your UF experience

In a week's time, this campus, this oasis of knowledge and aesthetic splendor, is going to be slammed-packed beyond your imagination. There are going to be bicyclists whizzing through herds of people, preachers damning the masses to hell and anything else you could possibly imagine, including tons and tons of dancing. It's going to be like Black Friday had a drunken hook-up with a Harry Potter premiere - on crack.


Florida Alligator
NEWS  |  CAMPUS

Campus parking offers perks, pains

The hunt is on. You crawl forward under the stifling Florida sun when you finally see it. Just as you're about to stake your claim, another driver whips around a corner and screeches into the spot right in front of you.


Florida Alligator
NEWS  |  CAMPUS

Learning to navigate ISIS key to getting good classes

So you've been to Preview, learned the chomp, met advisers and heard a plethora of presentations. But as the euphoria of diving deeper into the Gator Nation wanes, there are things those who've crawled the swamps before you want you to know, like how to get the classes you want when 50,000 Gators are chomping for the same bite.


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