There were a lot of lessons to learn this week. For one, be prepared for literally any kind of weather here in Gainesville. Second, always read something you’re confused about just one more time.
That brings us to the sorry-if-we-brought-you-to-the-cusp-of-insanity edition of...
Darts & Laurels
Poor Manti Te’o. He’s a football player at Notre Dame. After learning of the deaths of his grandmother and his girlfriend in practically the same day, he continued to play his hardest and lead the team to a 20-3 victory over Michigan State. What an inspiring story! His girlfriend, Lennay Kekua, was in a car crash and was later diagnosed with leukemia. We give a keep-on-truckin’-dude LAUREL to Manti Te‘o.
Here’s the thing: Kekua never existed. Reporters discovered no medical or death records of Kekua, or any record of a car accident or any education records of her “time” at Stanford University. Te’o was full on “catfished.” A statement from the university and Te’o said they learned of the hoax in late December, but when an article was published on Deadspin this week, the Internet ate it up, which forced the university to speak on the issue. We give a if-only-you-didn’t-pull-a-classic-Catholic-cover-up-or-date-a-fake-girl-or-pretend-to-be-someone-on-the-Internet DART to Notre Dame, Te’o and the alleged Kekua.
Remember Mohawk Guy? He stole our hearts when the Mars rover Curiosity stole … the surface of Mars and other science stuff. Well, in honor of his next mission, attending the presidential inauguration, Bobak Ferdowsi will unveil a new hairdo. He won’t tell us what it is, just that it’ll be “something fun.” We give a you-make-us-want-to-learn-about-science-more-maybe LAUREL to Bobak Ferdowsi. We should also definitely want to study that stuff anyway.
As college students, we probably understand the value of a dollar a little more, now that they’re few and far between. Imagine our disgust when we learned that Subway, a sort-of beloved sandwich restaurant, has potentially been keeping us from our full sandwich potential. Someone posted a photo on the company’s Facebook page that showed one of the “foot long sandwiches next to a tape measure that shows the sub is just 11 inches,” according to an ABC News article. We give a GIVE-US-OUR-MONEY’S-WORTH-OF-SANDWICH-OR-ELSE-WE’LL-REVOLT DART to Subway. Now that the whole country’s seen Les Mis, we’re pretty prepared for a revolution.
Our thoughts are with Aurora, Colo., as the movie theater where a gunman killed 12 people reopened this week. As the site of a mass shooting and one of the catalysts of the current gun control discussion in this country, it can’t be easy trying to move on and move past the tragic events of that night. We give a you’ll-never-read-this-but-your-fellow-Americans-still-feel-for-you LAUREL to Aurora.
That city, and every other city where a mass shooting happened when it was completely unnecessary, and the people who live there are who we should be really be focusing on. We can only hope that new legislation will be the impetus of a healthy change of the attitude in America.
Be safe, and have a good week!
