I had a friend who was really into returning lost things to their owners. One of my more resonant memories of this is the time she found a teddy bear on the sidewalk.
The bear was in pretty decent condition, albeit a little dirty, and it had a small, custom-made, inscribed locket around its neck.
So my friend picked up the teddy bear and took it home. She did some meticulous do-it-yourself dry cleaning on the bear, shined up the locket, and hung up some "Found: One Teddy Bear" fliers near where she found it. She always handled the teddy bear carefully, washing her hands before touching it and placing it in a large Ziploc storage bag to keep it from getting dirty.
At one point, her mom asked her why she was going through all this trouble for a stranger's lost stuffed animal. My friend shrugged and said, "It may not be mine, but I bet whomever it does belong to would probably like it if it weren't all messed up and shit. So I'll take care of it while I've got it."
And I've always thought that's some of the best 21st-century relationship advice I've ever heard. I'll explain.
Our generation seems to get a lot of flak for the transience of our relationships, as if we consider commitment obsolete. I guess it's not an entirely indefensible argument. The ease, for instance, with which we change our Facebook relationship statuses should give us pause. In fact, there's a relationship status that codifies non-commitment commitment - the strangely equivocal "It's Complicated."
And if nothing else, think of the phrase "to hook up" - an intentionally cryptic verb that could mean anything from coffee-having to laid-getting with an ambiguity that serves the purpose of not committing to much of anything.
But even if it's true that our relationship churn rate is higher than previous generations, I'm not convinced that this is necessarily a bad thing. What could be read as non-commitment could just as easily be interpreted as an unwillingness to waste each other's time.
This higher churn rate, though, indicates that we're meeting, dating and hooking up - whatever that means - with more people, and that indicates we have more opportunities to hurt each other.
A cold truth of modern-day relationships is that we're all probably a little bit damaged. Most everyone has dealt with bad significant others, awful breakups and a night of self-medicating with buffalo wings and Chunky Monkey while mournfully watching "Garden State." (It's a better idea in theory than in practice.)
And I'm fully cognizant of the fact that the girl with whom I'll wind up will probably have had her heart broken several times before she meets me. But I also know that I'd really appreciate it if the folks she runs into before me treat her heart with a little gentleness and a little courtesy so that she's not too jaded or closed to the idea of love when I meet her, and knowing that is more than enough reason for me to try to return the favor when I can. That's the responsibility that comes with our high relationship churn rate, and it's one to which I think we're all beholden.
Or, to put it another way: For any given person with whom we're in a relationship, their heart might not ultimately be ours, but it's a safe bet that whomever it does belong to would probably like it if it weren't all fucked up and shit. So let's take care of it while we've got it.
Joe Dellosa is an advertising senior. His column appears on Tuesday.
