In case you've been sequestered in your house with a case of the swine flu (or "bacon fever" as we like to call it), it's gotten noticeably cooler outside, not to mention noticeably quieter.
It seems like cool air and a peaceful campus have waxed while the sun and those Student Government campaigners have finally waned. In honor of these recent developments, we're delighted to present you with this week's our-walks-to-class-have-finally-stopped-resembling-our-own-personal-version-of-The-Trail-of-Tears edition of…Darts & Laurels
However, we'll miss telling Unite Party volunteers we work for the Alligator. Quickest way to end a conversation, ever.
If you haven't already seen the YouTube video of a Danish woman looking for the father of her child, don't bother. Danish newspaper Ekstra Bladet has discovered the video was a hoax by Denmark's tourism agency VisitDenmark. Apparently the agency thought the promise of beautiful blond women willing to have one-night stands with anonymous foreign tourists would bring more foot traffic to its country.
For belittling the plight of single mothers, not to mention for almost tricking us into auditing a Danish language class, we'd like to throw a what's-next-telling-us-that-"Temptation-Island"-was-a-sham-elaborately-planned-by-producers-for-ratings DART at VisitDenmark.
We'd also like to use this as an opportunity to throw a DART at our parents for letting us watch that show in sixth grade. Just because it came on right after "Survivor" didn't make it OK.
A mother in Michigan is being threatened with jail time if she doesn't stop watching her neighbors' children before their school bus arrives. According to the Michigan Department of Human Services, Lisa Snyder is violating the law for holding an "unlicensed day care service."
For punishing a good Samaritan, we'd like to throw a last-time-we-checked-making-Pizza-Rolls-for-a-bunch-of-7-year-olds-wasn't-a-crime DART at Michigan for its ridiculous, overly broad law.
On the other hand, a woman in Iowa City has finally been brought to justice. Elizabeth M. Weiss, of Iowa City, rented "Biohunter," "The Devil's Advocate" and "U-Turn" in 1998 and never returned the tapes. She is now being charged $231.97 for the value of the movies and late fees.
For thinking an Oliver Stone movie was worth $77.32, we'd like to throw a not-even-"Midnight-Express?"-really? DART at the past-due woman who apparently doesn't know that VHS tapes cost, like, free now.
Ten-year-old Zoe Pemberton of Essex listed her grandmother on Ebay, but the listing was taken down due to the site's policy on human trafficking. For describing her grandma as "annoying and moaning a lot," we'd like to throw an if-only-mechanics-could-be-this-honest LAUREL at the fully disclosing granddaughter.
If you thought the "birther" movement was dead, you thought wrong. Liveprayer.com is currently running a 28-minute infomercial in several southern states that demands Barack Obama produce his birth certificate. For proving how ridiculous the movement is, we'd like to present a we-didn't-know-you-could-make-a-film-that-looks-like-it-was-made-in-MS-Paint LAUREL to Liveprayer.com.
For a $30 donation, you too can have your very own "Got a Birth Certificate?" bumper sticker.
Everyone knows moving targets are worth extra points.
As a closing note, we'd like to throw a huge DART at the Student Body for not getting out to vote. We're not surprised, but we're pretty disappointed.
Thanks all for this week. Stay sane, and go Gators!
