After the blur that was my 21st birthday, I found myself sober enough to realize fall was officially upon us. I don’t know about you, but I sincerely detest fall.
Sure, it arrives with a few perks like pumpkin spice lattes, pretty leaves, football season and the return of “Glee.” But fall always leaves me feeling bitter and fatter.
Whoever decided to combine cold weather, exams and Thanksgiving all into one season was obviously not concerned with stress eating. Throw in the regrets of your summer vacation and you want to enter hibernation until spring.
Each year we go through the same routines, much like the seasons, and each year around the same time, I get smacked in the face with my summer mistakes.
So it’s no surprise fall is my least favorite season as I always enter it content, tan and optimistic but somehow always leave it depressed, pale and bitter.
Just to add to my hatred, Gainesville likes to play pretend and becomes a tundra during a few winter months. The temperature drops to the low 30s, frost forms on windshields and terrible overlayering causes everyone to become the same shape.
It doesn’t even stop there. Halfway through November, Gainesville forgets it’s located in Florida and enters winter a few weeks early. The wind blows all the leaves off the trees and the sky becomes perpetually gray but snow is never to be seen.
And, of course, Thanksgiving falls perfectly in place during the last few weeks of the semester. Sure, celebrating the genocide of the Native Americans has become an American staple, but dealing with extended family and upcoming finals can seriously be a traumatic experience. So, to cope with stress I eat my feelings – and grades – away.
The pounds begin to add up and soon the cold begins to compel me into becoming a solitary creature. I begin to dread the thought of going outside, knowing at least three layers of clothing would be required and, even then, the wind will be enough to make me shiver.
So I slowly become a hermit. Real friends get pushed aside for my Netflix account and the sight of sunlight becomes a thing of the past.
When I do escape to the outside world, things aren’t any better.
The cold is worse than what I always expect, and the population of Gainesville hides from the cold inside its homes. The streets look deserted, the classes partially empty, the lines at the Hub slightly smaller. The temperature drops, the sun hides and the depression builds.
At this point the lack of sun has caused my skin to become pale, my Snuggie to become a permanent accessory, and my eyes to have some serious photosensitivity.
I even convinced myself one year I had mysteriously become a vampire, Snuggie cape and all.
Being delusional is one of the added perks of fall.
Eventually, winter arrives with Christmas in tow. My spirits are refreshed and my binge-eating ways replaced with New Year’s resolutions. The temperatures are still unbearable, but at least now I can say spring is just around the corner.
Hassan Casanova is a third-year family, youth and community sciences student at Santa Fe College. His column appears every Friday.
