Mike Lupica shoots from the lip. Pat Dooley strokes the back nine, and Bill Simmons writes 10,000-word mailbags.
Everybody has a gimmick. I want some of that action.
So I bring you, “Musings Courtesy of A Mouth From The South.”
*****
Not since Mr. Rogers has a dude in a sweater vest been on TV this much. Jim Tressel disgracefully resigned from Ohio State on Monday, sending Shelley Meyer into an epileptic trance.
Tressel may have eluded full-blown humiliation because the NCAA is expected to slam Ohio State, but someone needs to b**** slap the NCAA.
Tressel has more skeletons in his closet than Tony Soprano, but the NCAA refuses to admit they too are in cahoots with the mob.
Tressel is a cheat, but he’s far from the only one. The NCAA has operated in back alleys with seedy characters just as long as Pat Dye, Ron Meyer and Tressel have been around.
They’ve dragged their feet long enough, the time has come to address student versus athlete.
*****
Lauren Embree’s awe-inspiring effort to propel the Gators women’s tennis team to a NCAA Championship was as good as any performance Tim Tebow ever had at Florida.
Yeah, I said it.
Embree’s valiant comeback from down 4-0 against one of the country’s best players, in the chick’s home arena, was incredible.
Her performance epitomized and exemplified what it means to never give up.
If Muschamp is going to get the Gators back on top, he should show a highlight film of Embree’s performance and say, “This is guts. This is guile. This is how you respond when you get hit in the mouth.”
Then he should turn the lights out and walk out of the room. Boom.
*****
The No. 1 Gators baseball team has a heck of a road to get back to Omaha.
Miami sits in their Regionals. Knock out the ‘Canes for the third straight season and a showdown with Georgia Tech is likely lurking in the Super Regionals.
Florida won its first SEC Tournament Championship since 1991 but just one national seed since 2000 has won the College World Series.
I think that streak ends this season, but right now, I don’t see the Gators as being the ones to break it.
Florida is as talented as any, but its talent is in numbers not sheer studs.
Volume can win you 45 games — I don’t know if it can win you a title.
The Gators have struggled against other team’s aces (Palazzone, Grey, Garvin, Baxendale and Meyer all steam-rolled UF’s bats), and in the postseason, you rarely get to beat up on a bushel of relievers on a Sunday.
Florida’s Back-End Boys are nasty, but as John Smoltz said watching the Braves flameout again and again in the playoffs, bullpens don’t win you championships, they only lose them.
The team needs its offense to rediscover its “Gators Swag.” (Their moniker, not mine.)
They won in Hoover without contributions from their big guns.
But Florida will not get to Omaha if Zunino, Tucker and Maddox hit 10 for 57 (.175) with no long balls and just four RBIs in a Regional.
*****
I do think juniors Nick Maronde and Anthony DeSclafani made themselves a heap of money this past weekend at the SEC Tournament.
Maligned for much of the season, Disco had two strong outings in Hoover, Ala., lighting up the radar gun and flashing his powerful right arm.
His career-best appearance against Georgia might have single-handedly moved him into the second or third round of June’s MLB Draft.
The southpaw Maronde has been outstanding all season (1.72 ERA), and he again displayed his electric stuff that teams salivate over.
Maronde pitched three times in the tourney, mowing hitters down like they were fresh off a JV squad.
Although I doubt he becomes a closer in the big leagues, he’s projected to get selected in the first three rounds.
Pitching has dominated the majors in recent years and teams have put a premium on power arms. Both of UF’s hard-throwing relievers should cash in.
*****
Scottie Pippen is an idiot. ‘Nuff said.
