When people search for the cause of a problem, the last place they generally look is in the mirror.
Maybe my willingness to stereotype and open my column with a cliché reveals another problem I ought to add to the ever-growing list.
The last few months have been some of the most trying times of my life as I've attempted to adjust to my new existence as a graduate student.
What I am dealing with now truly pales in comparison to some of the "real" problems I have faced in my lifetime. Monday marks the fifth anniversary of my father's death - nothing short of a sucker punch to the gut. No high school senior should have to face the prospect of burying a parent.
There is no big crisis currently bogging down my life: No immediate family member battling cancer, no parent facing unemployment or friend struggling with substance abuse. Instead, I am left to be selfish about the shortcomings in my own life and to dwell on the fact that I am deeply alone living in Gainesville as a graduate student.
I never realized what a privileged life I led as an undergrad until my time at the University of Maryland had passed. Sadly, I can recall family members and older friends warning how seemingly overnight I would be walking down the aisle to receive my diploma. Simply put, I failed to grasp the importance of living in the moment.
I didn't know what to expect when I first arrived in Florida. I never expected things would be the same as they were at Maryland, where I lived, ate and attended class with my fraternity brothers. Maybe electing to live by myself was a bad idea. A nerdy roommate, or even a messy one, would have been better than having no one to talk to sans making a call on my cell phone.
Things have been rough from the start: I found myself striking up conversations with cashiers, even going so far as to break up my shopping list over a few stores with hopes that I would meet new people.
How's that for candor?
You don't need to tell me to get off my fat, lazy ass and stop feeling sorry for myself. I'm just in a position where I really don't know what to do. Maybe I expect too much out of a friendship. Maybe I set my standards too high when looking for a friend. Or maybe I'm just not nearly as fun or interesting as I perceive myself to be.
I look around the classrooms of my graduate courses, but I fail to see anyone who is similar to me. Sure, I talk to some of my colleagues on Gchat or Facebook, but it's hardly what one could deem a genuine friendship.
To be fair, I have found myself on the cusp of friendship, only to act overbearing and expect too much out of the still-budding relationship. Unrealistically, I want my newfound friendships to mimic those I enjoyed just months ago as an undergrad.
Grad school has me on the fast track to E.D. and senility, but all I want is for my life to unfold a little bit more like "Entourage."
I hardly fit the typical perception of a grad student: I rock Jordans; I can still date undergrads without it seeming creepy; and I toss academics to the back burner more often than not.
So, what are you doing this weekend?
Daniel Seco is a journalism graduate student. His column appears on Thursdays.
