It was only a matter of time—measured by thornless roses and bad elevator music—before Desiree Hartsock’s heart was shattered.
But like a phoenix rising from the ashes, she appeared sans bangs, with airbrushed skin and 25 men swooning at her fingertips. Hartsock was named ABC’s leading lady of “The Bachelorette,” Season 9.
Many of you are probably thinking about moving on to the next article because you think this show is stupid. Well, hold your horses — that means you Lindzi Cox — and take a few minutes to consider why you should watch this season of “The Bachelorette”:
1. Sexy men — Bachelor Nation: Remember when Sean Lowe took his shirt off for Emily Maynard’s friends at that glorious group date last season? Every woman in America died. If you are a more recent follower of the show, check out Season 9, episode 4: ripped bodies, spray tans and washboard abs — totally worth your time.
2. Sexy baby blue Bentley — One of the many mysteries of this season is the Bentley Convertible that Hartsock has been cruising around Los Angeles in. Did ABC give this to her? Is this part of her paycheck that comes with the title of bachelorette? Will we ever know? In any case, it’s fun to speculate.
3. Sweet date ideas — Hey, guys: Wanna see why your lady isn’t swooning over the same old dinner-and-a-movie date you planned last week? Well, tune in to “The Bachelorette” Monday to see why. Next time, consider dancing on the side of a building, competing against other burly men in a highly physical game of dodgeball, or — a “Bachelor” classic — jumping out of a helicopter. Perhaps you could model a Speedo like the guys did a few weeks ago in their Mr. America competition — but, please, only if you have a body like Zak W., thanks.
4. Conducive to psychoanalysis — I know I am not the only one who secretly thinks all of these men are a tad deranged. It’s particularly fun to speculate who will be chosen in the end based off the tiny glimpses of these guys’ personalities we get as viewers. Anyone want to take a stab at why Ben seems like such a secretive creep or how Brian came to be such a great liar?
5. Grown men make complete fools of themselves — Soulja Boy made an appearance on week two and required all of the less-than-gangsta bachelors to rap and dance in a music video called “For the Right Reasons,” which is about — you guessed it — being on the show for the right reasons. And yes, there is a video of this madness on www.ABC.go.com.
Contact Jenna Box at jbox@alligator.org.
