Is it just us or is it the time of the year when everything just seems to become a race to the finish? It’s the time of the year when professors forget we have more than one class, and it feels like we’re taking 27 credits instead of a measly 12. It’s the time of the year when we can almost feel the winter holidays, and we start thinking about making those ring chains where we tear a ring off every day as we get closer to the finish (winter break).
Seriously, we realize it’s barely October, but we’re already getting ready with our glue sticks and wild-and-crazy scissors to cut the construction paper and decorate our living rooms with a seemingly endless chain of malformed rings.
We hope you’re feeling this way, too. Because we’re exhausted.
But we won’t let you down! We know how much all of you look forward to Friday and this little weekly recap, so without further ado, the Department of Darts and Laurels presents you with our We-Still-Don’t-Understand-What-Eggnog-Has-To-Do-With-The-Holidays-But-We-Just-Can’t-Wait-Until-It’s-Here-Again-Because-That-Means-Santa-Or-Hanukkah-Harry-Is-On-His-Way-And-We’re-Two-Months-Early-With-This-Wishful-Thinking edition of Darts & Laurels
And there are a few other things that happened this week that make us wish for the near future besides images of candy canes and sugarplums (does anybody even know what the hell a sugarplum is?).
The Naked Cowboy, aka Robert Burck, aka the brief-sporting, cowboy-hat-wearing, guitar-slinging Time Square crooner, announced Wednesday he’s running for president in 2012 as a member of the tea party movement.
We’re not ones who think the best thing for America right now is chai with a side of big business, but with the expanding slew of GOP potentials (see: Sarah Palin, Newt Gingrich, etc.) perhaps what our country needs right now is a little tighty-whitey action in the Oval Office.
America hasn’t gotten this steamy since that risqué picture of a buff Barack emerged.
So, Naked Cowboy, we’re covering you up with a We-Also-Prefer-Briefs LAUREL.
Because, really, how much worse could things get?
Apparently, SeaWorld shouldn’t ask that question. Because if the Orlando-based marine monstrosity thought the poop deck was clean, think again.
After the company’s third whale in the last four months died this week, making the 25-year-old female the company’s 13th in the past 14 years (not including the handful of employee deaths at the hands of these marine mammals), SeaWorld should really just sit in the corner.
For clearly not knowing what’s in the best interest of its animals and not even attempting to train its animals to live in the wild where they belong, we’re playfully dunking the amusement company under the water and throwing SeaWorld a Weren’t-You-Guys-Even-A-Little-Bit-Touched-By-“Free Willy” DART.
But Gainesville is a bit touched by a very special performer rocking the city out tonight.
Bob Dylan, to you, one of rock ‘n’ roll’s most-famed musicians, we’re glad you came back to Gainesville. And to remember you, because let’s face it, many of us will never see you alive again, we’re smoking you out with a Sloop-John-B LAUREL.
No school next Friday, but we’ll see you at the parade with our next edition of Darts & Laurels.
