“The U.S. Postal Service took another major step in its battle for fiscal viability Wednesday, announcing plans to halt Saturday delivery of first-class mail,” according to an article in USA Today.
This is terrible news. There are only so many days in the week on which our mail system can bail.
Postmaster General Patrick Donahoe said the service reduction is expected to save $2 billion annually, according to the article.
We suppose the USPS is running out of ways to make money, right? We’re all using email so much that we only use the USPS to ship big packages; we haven’t invented that technology yet.
“It’s irresponsible for us not to pursue this course,” he said at an announcement at postal service headquarters in L’Enfant Plaza, according to a Washington Post article. “It’s too big of a cost savings to ignore.”
We should try to keep the USPS around for as long as possible. It’s a part of our society’s infrastructure that keeps life moving forward at a responsible pace. Without it, society might collapse. No mail system? No more roads. No more tolls. No more milk bottles delivered to our front doors. No more free Wi-Fi in fast food restaurants. No more email. See where we’re going with this? Good thing another postal service is coming back to help us through these trying times.
“The Postal Service, the synth-pop duo of Ben Gibbard and Jimmy Tamborello, is reuniting for the 10th anniversary of its only album, 2003’s ‘Give Up,’” according to an article on Billboard’s website.
That’s right, folks. Your favorite indie band from high school is making a comeback. Just like Destiny’s Child, Justin Timberlake and the Spice Girls.
It’s our time, guys. This is finally the time for the millennial generation to be happy. Lord knows we haven’t been happy in quite a while.
Maybe getting rid of a day of mail delivery and pickup won’t be so bad after all. Our favorite things are all reuniting to cheer us up! All we need now are some DunkAroos and some clear Pepsi to keep us going until everyone who should be reunited is, in fact, reunited.
According to an article in October’s “Spinner,” Ben Gibbard promised there wouldn’t be a new Postal Service record.
“There are no plans to make a second record,” Gibbard told Spinner. “I can’t say that enough.”
The band is planning to release only a deluxe record of its first album — not a whole new one. But the release of the record is definitely tied with new performances, as the band will play at Coachella.
We need this, guys. Think of the USPS workers. They need this, too. Just imagine them listening to “Such Great Heights” when they’re packing up to head home Friday evening, but the poppier version, not the one covered by Iron & Wine.
Keep your spirits up, USPS! Maybe all six days of your service will eventually be reunited. You might have to wait a whole decade, though.
