Over the past few weeks, two men have individually caused me to rack up a $20.37 tab at Taco Bell. When that sort of thing happens, I summon my army of empowered women to my side.
Dress code: a paint-stained shirt, slippers and a pair of I-don’t-need-no-man pregnancy pants. After we’ve convened like Death Eaters to Voldemort, we buy tons of junk food and veg out on the couch, all the while performing hoodoo — I mean, bitching about dudes.
Typically, these meetings involve us spending the evening validating the poop out of each other’s lives. However, during this most recent gathering of my coven of crones — after the obligatory small-talk and offering of the sacrificial iguana — one of the women drew my ire.
I’d been ranting to the group about the joys of having someone you love suddenly stop talking to you. I’d also been trying to end the ranting so I could eat another Beefy Crunch Burrito.
During one breathing pause, one of the women said, “Man, it must suck to get used like that.”
Utterly taken aback, I gasped, taking the opportunity to shove another Beefy Crunch Burrito into my mouth.
The girls didn’t seem to understand why I would object to saying I got used. But that’s just the thing. People don’t get used. They get lied to.
Here, let me explain.
Whenever I hear some girl say she got used, she’s typically saying something along the lines of, “All he wanted me for was sex. He didn’t actually care about me.” Ugh. Typing that made me want to vomit more than Taco Bell ever has.
What the girl’s really saying is that she entered into a tacit agreement with a dude that she would give him sexy time in exchange for affection or some other form of emotional security. The dude didn’t deliver, and now she’s got her pantsuit in a knot over it.
The first thing that bothers me about this: Sex should not be treated as a commodity. I don’t understand the idea that a dude shouldn’t boink you without offering something in return.
It boggles my mind more than playing Boggle usually does.
A man owes you nothing for sexy time, and vice versa, because sex isn’t a barter economy.
Access to your body should not be like buying watermelons at a bazaar. You need to make the decision to touch someone based on whether you want to bump uglies, not on any expected return. If you let someone run around your baseball diamond, take responsibility for it. Did you not want to fool around with the guy in the first place?
Let me tell you something I learned from the many ex-cons who’ve taken my order at Taco Bell over the years: Always get the payment before you give the food.
If you want affection or some other form of emotional security, ask for it up front. Tell the guy what you’re looking for. If he’s unwilling to provide it, you shouldn’t expect straddling him to change his mind — and if it did, you should find that insulting and drop his fanny anyway.
An unspoken agreement is no agreement at all. You need to talk to make sure both of you are seeking the same thing. That way, he can only lie to you.
Don’t get me wrong — guys treat everyone like crap at one point or another. I’m not seeking to exonerate.
Men suck.
Just get mad at them for the right stuff.
Chip Skambis is an English and telecommunication junior at UF.
