I suffer from generalized anxiety disorder and depression. I’m not ashamed of it, and I don’t let it define me. I’ve done as much as I can to educate myself on my illnesses so I’m properly equipped to keep them managed as much as possible. However, there are times when it feels like I’m losing the battle, and that’s when I seek outside help.
I have doctors in my hometown, but these past few months led me to realize I needed to seek help in Gainesville as well. My depression worsened, and I knew I needed to change my medication from an anxiety-only type to one that treats both.
With a limited insurance plan, my only options for psychiatrists in Gainesville were through UF Health and the Counseling and Wellness Center. My first attempt was with the latter. I made a “triage” appointment — a mandatory step — which is essentially an unnecessary step to be “evaluated” before being seen by a psychiatrist. After that appointment, I was told by the doctor it would take three weeks to a month to get an actual appointment. She even told me to skip class if I had to, because that’s how hard it was to get in. The appointment time didn’t work because I had to go out of town when it was scheduled, so I put it on hold until after the holidays. Over break, however, it became apparent my depression was escalating and I’d need to see someone on a consistent basis in Gainesville.
That’s the thing about mental illness: One morning you can wake up feeling exponentially worse than the day before without any explanation.
I returned to Gainesville two weeks ago and began an even more exhausting and hopeless attempt to see a psychiatrist. I called UF Health, and I was told the earliest I’d be seen was in two months. I then tried to find a doctor outside of the UF network, but they either didn’t take my insurance or any insurance, meaning I’d have to spend money I didn’t have.
After I called, my sister was told if my psychiatrist at home faxed over an emergency referral and I called a specific number, they would see me. When I called, they told me they “weren’t currently taking outside referrals,” and “my request would most likely be denied.” I was treated like someone trying to get into an exclusive club, not someone who desperately needed to see a doctor. The problem isn’t that mental illnesses aren’t deemed as important or as serious as physical ailments, but that they aren’t as well understood. It isn’t black and white. It isn’t just being suicidal or not. There’s much more to mental illness, and every type should be treated with the same care and attention.
Desperate, I tweeted @UF my frustrations, and they told me to email umatter@ufl.edu. I was put in touch with a woman at the UF Dean of Students Office, and she was the first person who understood my frustrations and finally helped me to get an appointment.
I’m honestly shocked that on a college campus of more than 50,000 students, mental illness isn’t taken more seriously. It needs to be treated immediately when someone reaches out, not two months later when the symptoms have snowballed. Spending every day struggling to get out of bed, to socialize, to have any sort of motivation whatsoever, is draining. Just because someone seems to be fine on the surface doesn’t mean on the inside they’re not desperately trying to stay above water. It’s a daily fight — one that needs proper care, not a two-month wait period. What about people who need even more help than I did? How will they ever get the treatment they need when it’s so hard to just make an appointment?
Not only is there a stigma around mental illness in society, but there is also a huge problem in our schools and universities. Students shouldn’t feel alone and hopeless; they should feel cared for and understood. Until we start treating mental illness with the same regard as physical illness, many college students will continue to suffer due to lack of care and poor understanding of their illness. For a university that claims, “U Matter, We Care,” I was stunned at how frustratingly untrue that statement felt.
Kaitlin Milligan is a UF telecommunication junior. Her column appears on Fridays.
