My family got a puppy for Christmas, and I hate it

The barking starts at 7 a.m.

It’s the type of barking that comes from an animal in deep, emotional distress. It’s a Sunday morning and there’s nothing to be distraught about. Instead, it’s Mango, my goldendoodle puppy, waking up the entire household.

My family has had our new dog for two months, but this winter break was the first time I got to experience the whole “dog life” phenomenon that everyone likes to talk about. And let me just say, I’m not with it.

First off, Mango stalks me. I can’t go a minute without her wagging her golden tail behind me. She can change her mood in an instant from “stalk” to “attack,” like a toy dog whose switch has just been flipped. She bites at any pant leg that catches her attention, and she barks if a door happens to be between us. Some of you might find all of this endearing, but I (being the intellectual that I am) know that it is all a scheme, a foolproof plan to make me go soft, out of my mind or, the most likely scenario, both.

1. My family got a puppy for Christmas, and I hate it

I went without a dog for 21 years. I probably could have done it for the rest of my life. I was never stressed over the existence of another sentient being like I am with Mango. Now I worry that she’ll run away or stumble into a poisonous bush while I’m at college. What if someone thinks she’s so cute they end up kidnapping her? Or maybe she’ll get ahold of some chocolate I left on the counter.

I can’t believe people would subject themselves to this psychological torture that comes with being a dog owner. I have come to realize that a lot of my anxiety over owning a dog stems from not being able to control the situation. And if we know anything about dogs, it’s that they are unpredictable.

Now, I’m trapped. Not only have I grown to love this dog, but now I won’t be able to spend long periods of time with her. This dog has trapped me in a future that involves a life with dogs. Thanks to Mango, I now see what I’ve been missing out on all these years.

Why do I hate my family dog? She made me soft.

My family calls me the Grinch for good reason, but even the Grinch loved his dog enough to give him a cute pair of antler ears.

I used to think that people who sleep with their dogs must be crazy. (I would think to myself, how is there enough space for both of them? And not to mention how warm that must be.) But, of course, after an hour-long nap with Mango, I have seen the bright, cuddly light and regular sleep has been ruined for me forever.

Like many other students returning to school this semester, I had to wave goodbye to my new family pet. I hate that now I have another thing to worry about when I leave home, but that worry is nothing compared to the love for my family’s new companion. One plus to living with a yappy puppy for an extended period of time is that she has no concept of time, meaning that I’m currently conditioned to wake up every morning at 7, a perfect habit to start off the Spring.

Jackie DeFreitas is a UF journalism junior. Her column appears on Wednesdays.

Courtesy to The Alligator