A Letter to the Editor written Feb. 27 was addressed to “GENIUSES OF JUVENILE JOURNALISM” and ended with “P.S. ARE THOSE YOUR TRUE NAMES OR PSEUDONYMS? THEY’RE HILARIOUS!”
This is one of many letters I’ve received during my time as Opinions Editor, and it’s probably one of my favorites.
Hi, guys! I’m Sami Main, and I’ve been writing the editorial and editing the columnists you see filling our pages every day since August 2012. I’ve been man-behind-the-curtaining you for quite some time, which I don’t think many people realize because I’ve been using the veil of third-person pronouns since day one.
It’s been quite a ride during the past two semesters, but now it’s time for:
Summer lovin’, let’s have a blast,
Summer lovin’, coming up so fast.
Brand new show, broadcast on E!
What WOULD you do, Ryan Lochte?
Our GPAs are driftin’ away to, oh, graduation day.
(Uh well-ah, well-ah, oh-)
Tell me more, tell me more,
Do you care much for Gob?
Tell me more, tell me more,
Like does he have a job?
(Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.)
We ate both of Doritos’ tacos.
We also love the new Midtown Flaco’s.
Tearing down the Reitz is a real bad idea,
The Swamp Party’s been here for ye-e-ears.
Summer fun, something’s begun but, oh oh, those summer nights...
(Uh well-ah, well-ah, oh-)
Tell me more, tell me more,
Do you watch Netflix for a while?
Tell me more, tell me more,
Remember Gangnam Style?
(Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.)
We’ll be walking in cap ‘n gown,
While we say goodbye to this town.
We’ll toss caps with all our friends,
We won’t forget them in the end.
Summer fling, don’t mean a thing but, oh oh, those summer nights.
(Uh well-ah, well-ah, oh-)
Tell me more, tell me more,
Is your resume dope?
Tell me more, tell me more,
Is your Hotmail a joke?
Shoo-bop bop, shoo-bop bop, shoo-bop bop,shoo-bop bop,
Shoo-bop bop, shoo-bop bop, shoo-bop bop, JEAH.
Eat at Satchel’s, don’t bring your card,
Follow them on Twitter if you like poetry art.
Although they make a brunch that’s good,
The Top’s too hipster for its own good.
Summer heat, boy and girl meet but, oh oh, those summer nights.
Jeah, jeah, jeah-
Tell me more, tell me more,
Did you meet Lil BUB?
Tell me more, tell me more,
Boycott Chick-fil-A in the Hub!
It turned warmer, that’s where this ends.
Listen closely, we’ll still be friends.
Will marriage equality ever pass?
Depends on if Congress sits on its ass.
Post-grad dreams crushed at the seams--
But, oh--
Those unemplo-oyed ni-i-i-ights.
If you don’t know where you’ll be this time next year, or even this time next month, don’t fret, fellow Gators.
“We’re all in this together,” to quote “High School Musical.”
We can do anything we put our minds to.
For me personally, it’s basically a miracle I’ll be graduating. The secret that a lot of my friends don’t realize is I’m a horrible student. If I took a class I didn’t super-care about, my grade reflected it.
Getting me to the graduation stage took a whole team of people — for that, I’m eternally grateful.
One of my prized possessions is the fact that I earned the president of Theatre Strike Force position. Without that club and its constant tomfoolery, I wouldn’t be as confident or as self-deprecating as I am today.
Of course, my time here at the Alligator has also shaped me as a person.
I started as a blogger and wrote about the comedy scene in Gainesville. I probably used it as a way to plug TSF more times than what should be legally possible, so I followed my previous TSF/Alligator brethren. I wrote columns, I edited the Avenue and I wrote more columns from my sunny home in Kissimmee. All of those experiences led me to be Justin Hayes’ choice of op-ed successor. If he wasn’t busy being a badass graduate student, I wouldn’t have this job at all.
And so, as we enter the sunset of our youth — I’ve heard terrible things about being a real adult in the real world with a real job and real problems — take it to heart that you’re not alone.
We’ve all dealt with some very awful tragedies during my time as editor.
(Some conservative old guy will email me saying the true tragedy was Obama’s re-election.)
But thankfully, we made it to the other side.
And yes, those are our real names.
Sami Main is the opinions editor. She is a journalism senior at UF. You can maybe get one last shot in via opinions@alligator.org.
