Hello Gainesville. We hope you’re having a good day, recovering from your Independence Day celebrations and enjoying the onset of Discovery Channel’s latest rendition of Shark Week.
The eight shark attacks along the Carolina coast have stirred a flurry of articles and news reports on “unprecedented” amounts of sharking all over the states, and we as a public audience have been confusingly enamored with the topic. We’ve noticed the idea of someone being terrifyingly chomped upon by a shark is considered an enthralling topic of public debate, given how often national headlines have been screaming bloody murder over the news of shark attacks.
We’d like to clarify that being terrifyingly chomped upon by a shark is not in fact an ideal life option. However, public attention over a dangerous encounter, which is statistically less likely to happen than getting injured by your toilet, seems a bit skewed.
And we might just know why.
The Greek economy is on the verge of collapse, threatening to drag the rest of the Eurozone, and possibly the world economy in the process, into instability. Neither bankers, politicians or private citizens have managed to develop a worthwhile solution to the matter, even as Greece sits upon a $360 billion debt. At least with a shark attack, it’s pretty clear how you extricate yourself from the situation: by either escaping the terrifying sea leviathan or getting swift medical attention. Probably both would be best.
Real badasses will just punch it the nose.
Meanwhile, a lot of proud Americans believe their symbols of regional pride are at stake, as a burgeoning movement to take down the Confederate flag gains all kinds of traction from removing monuments to taking Dukes of Hazzard off the airwaves. Simultaneously a lot of equally proud Americans want to remove an incredibly offensive symbol of slavery and oppression from unwarranted veneration. At least with a shark attack, it’s pretty clear what the problem is when you’ve got a jaw full of yourself in a shark.
Heck, the news is having difficulty trying to settle on a name for a Middle Eastern organization we’ve been at odds with for over a decade, commonly called ISIS, ISIL or the Islamic State. At least with a shark attack, it’s pretty damn clear what a news organization is going to write for its headline.
What we’re trying to say is with all the uncontrollably scary things trying to take chunks out of our lives, a shark attack is relatively straightforward and easy to handle. We clearly can’t quite control how world economics are going to reverberate from a country halfway across the world, settle upon the difference between offense and pride, or even decide how to cleverly name our enemies of the state.
With so many problems floating around in the news that are actively impossible to solve with simple solutions, we are arguably enamored with the idea that terrifying leviathans from the deep will bite the hell out of us. It’s simple, clear-cut and ultimately a break from our day-to-day struggles to not scream at the world for being unbearably convoluted.
So there’s that: We enjoy sharks because they freak us out, but in a good way.
[A version of this story ran on page 6 on 7/7/15]
