As individuals in a complex society, we feel comfort by putting labels or stereotypes on people. It gives us a sense of safety. As members of the mammalian species, we don't like to relate to situations or things we are not able to recognize. Therefore, we will always fear the unknown and avoid the feeling of uncertainty. Sadly, this comes at a price. When we learn and gain knowledge about something, we will do anything in our reach so we don’t lose control over it. Therefore, when eventualities get presented in our life, we are unable to manage them in the best way possible. Who hasn’t met someone, enjoyed his or her company and then unexpectedly gotten disappointed after a while? For example, I meet an incredible guy who I had a crush on for years. After many years of friendship, we began a relationship filled with shenanigans, jokes and a lot fun. A few months later, my heart got broken when I realized his priorities didn’t include me. He was making decisions that jeopardized the trust I invested in him. I never thought he would be capable of executing such betrayal, but he was.
This emotion cannot be completely evaded due to our human nature and our lack of infinite knowledge. So, how can we handle such feelings of disappointment? Because this is a behavioral situation, and our brain won't be able to process it by just pumping a chemical out of our cells, we must develop an external mechanism to help us glide through the process. Our defense mechanisms will try to fight the fear and anger, and they will try to make us go to what we consider comfortable. In other words, our defense mechanisms will convince us to go back to our comfort zone. Here’s an example: when you’ve just broken up with your girlfriend and feel the urge to get back together. Without a valid, logical and emotive reason, we must not let our conditioning dictate our decision-making process.
Just like Pavlov trained dogs to salivate when they heard a bell, we have trained our brain to correlate situations, stimuli and sensations to feelings. For example, when someone hugs you for long periods of time, you train your brain to understand that this means care and affection. Therefore, we infer our interactions with the outside world are whatever we want to consider and assume them to be. Consequently, we can reason that those bitter feelings of pain and despair are just our perception of reality. Now that we are aware of this, we are able to rewire our brain to think differently about our feelings and improve our emotional states. If your heart is broken, take a moment to analyze the situation bit by bit, and find the logic behind your loved ones’ actions. You will eventually find yourself tracing lines between your feelings, logic and emotions. Eventually, the time will pass, and the feelings will be weakened by your mental strength. If you or people you know are struggling with their personal lives, just be supportive of emotions, find logic within the situation and remind yourself, or the person, this is not objective reality but rather your perception of it. You — and anyone else — can get through this. So, be compassionate, and help others who might experience these struggles.
Andrea Taboada is a UF microbiology senior. Her column appears on Wednesday.
