Though I’ve never fully understood the expression, congressional Democrats are keeping true to the English idiom and dropping like flies. Most recently on the no-go list for November is Rep. Bart Stupak (of “Stupak Amendment” fame). Let’s have a walk down memory lane, shall we? By last December 10 House Democrats had artfully announced their early retirement. With the new year, announcements from the esteemed Senate had come in: former presidential hopeful Chris Dodd, North Dakota’s Byron Dorgan and Evan Bayh (former governor of Indiana and rumored 2008 presidential contender).
Then there was Congressman Eric Massa – thank you, kind sir, for giving one of the best reasons for retirement in Congressional history: a ticklefest. While inappropriate actions toward male staffers are generally frowned upon, in times of such economic and governmental hardship, one God-given right Americans cannot afford to give up is tickling. Unfortunately for Massa the pressure was too much, and he threw in the towel as any self-respecting trend-follower would do. Even Florida’s own Robert Wexler (once made famous from a Stephen Colbert interview, and I quote: I enjoy cocaine because, [Wexler] “...it’s a fun thing to do.”) decided to throw in the towel last November.
Now, the count is up to 16 retirees in the House, and another branch is joining the club. Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens, the backbone of the Supreme Court’s liberal bloc, announced his intent to retire last week. In his defense the man is turning 90 in a few weeks, so perhaps he isn’t a good example of premature retirement. However, it can’t send a good message to Democratic voters that a considerable number of their congressional delegation are, for lack of a better term, “moving on.” Bayh and Massa broke free from this rationale, honestly telling reporters that the partisanship was too much to deal with. For America’s sake, I certainly hope this isn’t the majority viewpoint. If it were, we’d still be under British control.
On the other hand, I’d say it’s fair to wager a number of nameless Tea Partiers and Fox News-ites would easily mourn the retirement of President Obama should he be willing to follow in his fellow Democrats trendiness. Michelle Obama certainly has made a name for herself as an exceptional trendsetter. And if it’s not retirement, there is another trend present. And this one isn’t just the Democrats. Ethical dilemmas have plagued the 111th Congress: from Rep. Charles Rangel’s corporate-funded Caribbean vacation to Massa’s ticklefest and then the Republicans (not wanting to be left out) with their S&M-themed nightclub dinners, maybe the time has finally come for a minority party congressional sweep. Maybe the new Old Spice guy will give it a go; after all, he has captured much attention with his horse-riding, boat-sailing and 20-pack abdominal talents. If there’s one trait voters want, it’s obviously smelling good. Why would they want a legislator to to legislate?
Even with their own misgivings, Republicans, with any luck, will have all their ducks lined up in a row come November. Watch out Dems: I hear the Republicans love a good duck hunt. Where is Dick Cheney when you need him?
