It’s not only the end of the week here at the Alligator, but the end of one great semester. We laughed, we cried... we got called names, and we cried some more (Well, a few made us laugh). But the saddest part of all is having to say goodbye.
There’s no reason to worry though; we promise we’ll be back in the spring to further enrage you with inflammatory editorials, columns and letters. To hold you over until then, we’re happy to present you with a the-end-is-near-oh-no-wait-here-it-is edition of...
Darts & Laurels
Because the end really sneaks up on you.
But sometimes you can see it coming. And that’s exactly what we did when we heard about the final projects of students at UF’s Intelligent Machines Design Laboratory: self controlled robots. “Autonomous robots” plus “Missile and Fire Control” at Lockheed Martin equals a swift, painless death for us all.
For possibly securing UF a spot in the history books of our future robotic overlords, we’d like to give a maybe-they’ll-spare-us-for-creating-them LAUREL to UF’s mad scientists.
Thankfully, we were recently given a reason not to mind our coming extinction. CBS has announced that it will launch a syndicated court show in fall 2010, featuring Nancy Grace. That should be reason enough.
But what followed this week was yet another reminder of why we despise Grace to no end, and why the robo-apocalypse is looking more and more appealing.
A new report by a Harvard psychiatrist claims that Grace’s relentless tirade against a Florida woman three years ago directly contributed to her suicide. The woman’s son was missing, and she was named as a possible suspect in the disappearance before appearing for a telephone interview on Grace’s show. The idea that her all-too-common horrendous, berating accusations would lead to a woman’s suicide is no stretch.
For allowing this trash TV to be broadcast to an even larger audience, we have to throw an as-if-”CSI-Miami”-wasn’t-bad-enough DART at CBS.
But for picking up the slack left behind by the departure of Lou Dobbs, we’d like to present a thanks-for-giving-us-another-outlet-for-our-rage LAUREL to Nancy Grace. Bitch.
Now, since it’s the last issue and everyone’s too busy with finals to read it anyway, here’s something we’ve been dying to try all semester:
Lightning Dart Round!
Quit-killing-the-mentally-retarded DART to Texas. Yes, they’re still up to their old tricks in Texas.
Your-renovations-suck-and-we-hate-your-show DART to “Extreme Home Makeover.”
David-vs.-Goliath-never-happened DART to Graduate Assistants United. Surprise: You lose (but we’ll root for you anyway).
We see why this wasn’t implemented earlier — too many darts on the dance floor.
To lighten things up, we would genuinely like to thank everyone who shared their opinions with us this semester. We appreciate the hate mail, and we live for those elusive love letters. Thankfully, neither were in short supply.
We miffed the mayor, slandered Student Government, raged against RTS and cursed the city council, but our favorite part was always printing their responses (or the letters responding for them).
We even enjoyed printing letters from those consistently unbearable College Republicans — at least they had the guts to stand up for the stupid, unpopular crap they believe.
The Alligator loves unpopular views — and we’ll be back in force with plenty more come Spring semester. So with finals in mind, we’re proud to give a keep-working-on-those-opinions LAUREL to...
E: All of the above.
Have a great winter break!
