As we approach our fourth consecutive weekend that will not produce a Gators football win and blissfully approach the orange-and-black-draped pseudo holiday that makes it OK to be nearly naked, we can’t help but wonder where all this time has gone.
There’s only a little more than four weeks until Thanksgiving break, which really begins the Friday before Thanksgiving for most of us, and only about six weeks until the end of classes.
It seems like just yesterday we were gladly risking melanoma in the sands across our state in our desire to have a Snooki-matching skin tone. The semester’s moved by so quickly we’re caught awkwardly singing along to a one-person duet of “Summer Lovin’.”
And we don’t even care. Because when it’s still 85 degrees outside, we’ll sing whatever we want and we’ll still decorate our houses with pumpkins and spider webs in our makeshift season.
So in our attempts to make sense of what time of the year it is anymore with our textbooks creating a dizzying disaster of scribbled notes, the Department of Darts and Laurels presents you with your very own We’ve-Got-On-Our-Bikini-Tops-To-Class-But-We-Have-Our-Sweaters-For-The-Nights-Because-It’s-Clearly-The-Season-Of-Fummer-In-Florida edition of Darts & Laurels.
That’s right. Fummer. It’s that uniquely Floridian crossbreed between fall and summer when the high is often 40 degrees different than the low.
Oh, and speaking of low points, the Alligator took one below the belt at Gator Growl in front of thousands on Friday.
And while not many of us wanted to spend the money for a ticket to the pep rally event that has been described as the worst yet by many, we realize how hard these organizers must have worked to create jokes about the newspaper, which they’re obviously reading right now, that no one really thought were that funny.
So, for first being hypocrites for using our beacon of news to wipe your rear, but wait, still read it; and second, just for not knowing how to be funny, we’re throwing a Better-Luck-Next-Year-In-Actually-Making-Gator-Growl-An-Event-Most-Students-Want-To-Go-To DART at the Gator Growl producers.
But we’re not name-calling anymore. We’ve seen what that kind of behavior can do. And Wednesday, we’ve seen how we can stick together against bullying. An estimated 1.4 million people wore purple Wednesday as a sign of unity against the bullying of gay teens and to honor the recent gay teens who took their own lives because of it.
We’re so proud of you, Gators. We’ve never known so many shades of purple. For sticking up for what’s good and just, we’re handing you a We’re-So-Thankful-So-Many-Of-You-Care LAUREL to those who united against bullying.
And unity is apparently a popular concept recently as a fast-food staple is trying to unionize its members.
Jimmy John’s employees will vote today on whether they want unionization in an industry that regularly pays its workers minimum wage while working horrendous hours for people who don’t appreciate them.
And while unionization and fast food go together almost as well as oil and vinegar, we’re glad to see some fast food employees stick up for what’s right.
So, here’s a Make-Us-A-Sandwich-Because-You’re-Getting-Benefits-Now LAUREL to Jimmy John’s employees.
That’s all for now, Gators. And remember, this is not toilet paper.
