It feels like we’ve been back to school for a whole month, not just one week.
Not to mention, the weather has confused us into believing that this is just more of Fall semester. Don’t be fooled by the balmy-ness of things; it’s very much another grueling Spring.
It’s time for the Why-Won’t-Our-Terrible-And-Shameful-Alumni-Leave-Our-City-Alone-Also-WELCOME-BACK edition of...
Darts & Laurels
How do you think it feels to be Leonardo DiCaprio? Always a bridesmaid, never an Oscar winner. Poor guy wasn’t nominated for his role in “Django Unchained,” so that’s gotta hurt a little. Plus, he walked his sweetheart, Kate Winslet, down the aisle of her wedding to some other dude. The other dude’s name? Ned Rocknroll. No, we’re not kidding. We give a maybe-you-will-have-better-luck-next-year-or-never LAUREL to Leo.
Our country’s been hit with so many school shootings lately (one in Newtown, Conn. last month, one in California on Thursday) that we almost don’t know what to do with ourselves. Should we be angry? Should we be in mourning? We should take up our pens and begin some civil action. We should write emails and make phone calls to lawmakers. If you’re wondering how to stop this from happening again, now’s the time to actually try. We give a we’re-sick-of-allowing-this-to-keep-happening DART to American gun culture.
In case you forgot, Britney Spears is still awesome. We didn’t personally watch this season of “The X Factor,” but we really enjoyed seeing clips and watching GIFs on loop of Britney’s awesome faces. Sadly, her $15 million fee didn’t really do anything for the show’s ratings, and the show was rumored to be letting her go. Only, because she’s basically our Honey Boo Boo before there was Honey Boo Boo, she chose to quit before they had the chance to fire her. We give a what-an-incredibly-ballsy-move LAUREL to BritBrit.
There’s only so much we can take from you, Justin Timberlake. News broke Thursday that he may release a new album in the near-ish future. “I don’t want to put anything out that I think is something I don’t love. You just don’t get that every day. You have to wait for it ... I’m ready,” he said in a weird video he released. Either give us the music or get out, JTimbz! We give a hey-that’s-funny-we-talked-about-Britney-and-Justin-on-the-same-page-but-it-wasn’t-about-their-relationship FLART to Justin Timberlake. We love you, but we hate the way you tease us.
A new survey from the U.S. Center for Disease Control and Prevention states that more and more women choose to binge drink: “Nearly 14 million U.S. women binge drink about three times a month, downing about six beverages per binge.” Sounds totally cool, right? Wrong. Binge drinking, according to the survey, kills more than 20,000 women and girls each year. We give a how-hard-is-it-to-not-be-stupid DART to American alcohol culture.
That’s all for this week, folks. Stay warm and go Gators!
