The Editorial Board has never been so happy to say TGIF. And we are in dire need of the weekend to rest and recuperate because it’s almost that time again, kids. It’s the most dreaded time of the semester. Yep, you guessed it — Student Government elections.
So without further ado, we’re going to present you with the you-either-need-to-find-routes-through-campus-that-don’t-involve-Turlington-Plaza-or-invest-in-a-new-pair-of-headphones-and-dark-glasses edition of Darts & Laurels.
You know the fliers will find their way into your hands regardless because the people passing them out are ruthless.
Charlie Simpson is a different sort of ruthless — the good kind. The 7-year-old boy from the United Kingdom raised about $400,000 for Haiti’s earthquake victims when he rode his bicycle about 5 miles around the local park.
And that’s why we’re going to toss the clever little chap a you’re-brillant-and-made-all-of-us-over-here-across-the-pond-feel-bloody-awful LAUREL to Charlie Simpson.
Wicked!
Simpson isn’t the only one who made a lasting contribution.
J.D. Salinger, author of “The Catcher in the Rye,” died Thursday at age 91.
And so, for introducing Holden Caulfield to us and producing endless conversations about the ducks in the pond in high school English classes everywhere, we’re going to place a wreath of even-Holden-couldn’t-call-you-a-phony LAURELS on J.D. Salinger’s grave.
On the subject of paying for things, we’re throwing a couldn’t-you-have-spent-your-money-and-airtime-on-something-better Double DART at CBS and Focus on the Family. Focus on the Family, a conservative anti-gay, anti-choice group, has reportedly paid nearly $3 million to air a pro-life ad during the Super Bowl.
We understand free speech — maybe better than most people — but the decision makes us wonder how many Haitians that money could have fed or how many books for a children’s library it could have bought.
As for CBS, the network is seeping with hypocrisy. They rejected a church’s ad a few Super Bowls ago because it included the message that the LGBT community was welcome.
Now a gay dating site is challenging CBS, requesting a spot for a commercial that features two men holding hands then kissing. We hope CBS does the right thing and airs that message, too.
Speaking of discrimination, the Editorial Board would like to lob a we-suspect-you-may-be-a-descendant-of-Satan DART at the Ohio teacher who humiliated an 11-year-old boy in front of his classmates for having long hair.
The kid’s mom is suing, and we’re all for it. If she doesn’t spend it all on therapy, she should buy him a car and pay for his college.
On a lighter note, we have a situation of simple stupidity. The Editorial Board would like to paint a picture of a DART and hang it on the front door of the residence of the art student who tripped and ripped a hole in a $130-million Picasso painting.
Walk much? Seriously, we’ve all been to museums, and it’s not like paintings are just hanging out in the middle of the room for any idiot cursed by gravity to stumble over.
That’s all for this week. In the meantime, try not to trip.
