Every gay person dabbles in the trifecta of dating apps. Grinder, Scruff, Tinder and maybe even Sniffles for the occasional anonymous hook up that somehow always takes place in a random gas station bathroom — giving a whole new meaning to pit stops.
But we’ve all seen the same perfectly curated bio where instead of normally dictating likes and dislikes to potential matches, people take it one step further. “No Fats. No Fems. No Asians.” There are various bios with different distinctions that all follow this similar sentiment of excluding groups of queer people in the name of preference. Is this truly just a preference, or have we exemplified the division of an already marginalized community through discriminatory phrases under the guise of preference?
Horizontal inequality, a term coined by economist Frances Stewart, refers to inequality between individuals or households. In this case, it applies to distinct social groups, which are often marginalized communities that have fostered tension and conflict due to a long history of discrimination and prejudice.
Since the beginning of the gay civil rights movement, we’ve seen a major distinction between white queer men and queer people of color. Hence the development of Black and brown queer communities forming spaces where they can sustain and develop social networks and cultural groups — a prime example being the ballroom scene. A major divide in an already marginalized community is rooted in a subconscious need for climbing the societal ladder characterized by white heteronormative standards. White queer men already facing discrimination for their identity as a queer person find it necessary to develop a need of superiority among their peers as a means to further alienate themselves from these predetermined ideas of what queerness is.
Being a queer person of color creates a culmination of discrimination across more than one area of their identity. Considering how white heteronormativity became the standard, it ultimately leaves Black and brown people with an entirely different experience. Having these phrases in your bio in the name of preference ultimately highlights your disdain against femininity and human decency. It’s one thing to have a preference, but a lot of queer men take these sentiments to another level.
We’ve heard that certain queer men are considered to be “too much.” But at what point did we equate femininity to queerness rather than a cultivation of their personality and its expression? It’s this distinction that highlights gay men’s need for traditional gender roles and rigid body standards that are inherently rooted in one’s own insecurity and lack of understanding of themselves and their queerness.
As queer people we have the privilege of breaking away from heteronormative expectations, and bringing heteronormativity into queer relationships ultimately harm us. Unpacking these ideas and how queer sex and relationships function should ultimately be used as a mode in which we navigate our sexuality rather than indoctrinating it into our queerness. Gay people aren’t a monolith and being queer isn’t something that forces us to express ourselves one way or another. In order to be a part of the queer community, you do have to have an understanding of queerness as it’s the foundation of being a part of any kind of community. Otherwise you hurt people in the community and create a divide that highlights the lack of understanding of queerness and queer politics in the context of how we navigate the world.
As a community we have to uplift and unite. That starts with dissecting and deconstructing harmful rhetoric that ultimately divides and pushes dangerous expectations onto our identities as queer people.
Eriel Pichardo is a UF English major.
