I don’t want ASMR on my feed

I can get on board with a lot of weird stuff. I appreciate a good soap cutting video. I adore beauty gurus. Don’t get me started on my Taylor Swift fandom. I’m pretty trendy and hip with the things “the youngins" like. But, seriously, I cannot get behind ASMR.

ASMR stands for autonomous sensory meridian response. It’s a gentle and enjoyable response many people experience in the back of their head from listening to specific sounds that spread down their spine, according to dictionary.com. The experience ASMR creates can even help relieve anxiety, insomnia and depression, according to a U.S. News & World Report article. Some people really benefit from ASMR. Others don’t use ASMR as a treatment or coping mechanism, instead, they enjoy the internet craze as a fun pastime.

ASMR does not work for me, though. I don’t relate to any of the benefits and, frankly, I don’t get the appeal. The sound of people talking super close to a microphone is uncomfortable, and that’s nothing new. The saying “breathing down my neck” has a negative connotation because it’s awkward when someone is that close to you. I like my personal-space bubble, and I don’t tolerate people disrespecting it. I don’t understand why, all of a sudden, people enjoy the sensation of someone speaking to you so weirdly and closely. I know they’re not really there, but isn’t the whole point to sound like they are very close?

The whisper videos category is a beast in-and-of-itself, but let’s switch to the true horrors of ASMR: food-eating videos. Why? Why would you want to listen to that? It has been culturally unacceptable since the start of time to chew noisily and with your mouth open. I’m pretty sure we have all experienced a moment where we were trying to snack during class and realized we were chewing loudly and you stopped chewing. Why? Because hearing the sounds of food and saliva smooshing and sloshing around in someone else’s mouth is not appealing. If you’re an ASMR fan, would you be more attracted to a date if they chewed loudly? What if they leaned into your face to talk to you? What is the difference between these normally awkward encounters and ASMR?

I know people might tell me, “Well, if you don’t like ASMR, don’t watch it.” I understand something I dislike might appeal to someone else. That’s what creates variety and keeps the world interesting. However, my issue is that I purposely choose not to watch ASMR videos. I can’t escape them. ASMR is growing quickly and I can’t avoid it any longer. It is creeping into my makeup videos, plaguing my Instagram and cluttering my Facebook feed. It’s invading my personal life.

Listen, you bizarre ASMR enthusiasts, while I don’t understand it, I’m glad you’ve found your niche. I’m not a fan of ASMR, but that’s okay. I’m sure a lot of you don’t enjoy my interests. Diversity is a good thing, and I encourage you to pursue your recreations and what makes you happy. However, I beg you, to not encroach on my free time with your ASMR videos. Can I please browse the internet without the discomfort of an ASMR encounter or reference during my leisurely activities? If I whisper my request into a microphone really gently, will you hear me out?

Chasity Maynard is a UF journalism freshman. Her column appears on Fridays.

Rapper Cardi B tris autonomous sensory meridian response, or ASMR, during a W Magazine video.