Newspapers fill spaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaacccceeeeeeeeeee

That headline was intentional, Mike Foley. Don’t get your wrap-around glasses in a bunch.

Newspapers do not fill space. People fill space.

Editors fill space. Not because they have all the news they want, but because they have space to fill. Because the editorial department is told by a higher power there’s an objective amount of “news” that should be told on any given day, and if they fail to propose enough “viable” stories by 5 p.m., then they haven’t done their jobs well enough.

Writers fill space. Not because they want to seek the truth or explore a topic for which they’re passionate, but because they have space to fill. Because writers are sent to engage in wild goose chases by an editor or at the whim of breaking events, and if they ultimately fail to hit that two-source mark by the end of it, then they haven’t done their jobs well enough.

Layout artists fill space. Not because they want to guide the reader’s eye in a new and interesting way, but because they have space to fill. Because, perhaps a writer didn’t meet inch count, and now the story needs a pull quote to get rid of that pesky white space. They stretch the graphic not because it’s the most important thing on the page, but because its size eases the burden of the writers, who no longer have to fudge extra words to make a story fit. If they fail to contort any given page into a reliably busy mishmash of graphics and words, then they haven’t done their jobs well enough.

Opinions writers fill space. Not because something needs to be said, but because they have space to fill. An editorial, written by the editorial head honchos, had better leave its mark on current events, lest it feel petty. Two darts and two laurels every Friday. If they fail to reprimand and applaud their quota of crooks and do-gooders, respectively, then they haven’t done their jobs well enough.

Photographers fill space. Not because they want to hone in on the minutiae of life or on those intimate moments of love, humanity and goodwill, but because they have space to fill. Because a higher power tells the editorial department that words alone aren’t interesting enough — that it’s the paper’s obligation to entice and pander to the reader with a cute dog or child. And if they fail to find an eye-catching front-page photo in the 24 hours they’re given, then they haven’t done their jobs well enough.

Al Pacino’s got this preachy monologue about inches:

“The inches we need are everywhere around us … On this team we fight for that inch. On this team we tear ourselves and everyone else around us to pieces for that inch. We claw with our fingernails for that inch. Because we know when we add up all those inches, that’s gonna make the f------ difference between winning and losing.”

It’s not about newspapers, but it sure as hell sounds like it.

Newspapers fill those inches. Newspapers can fill those inches for many reasons, but at any given time, there’s no guarantee the reason is passion.

The Associated Press Stylebook demands that news publications are not placed within quotation marks in news stories. AP Style also demands that all works of art be placed within quotation marks. The governing rule set for most news organizations does not deem newspapers art.

But you’d better believe the folks working at any given newspaper are artists. Because they don’t just fill space. People fill space. Artists tell stories. They share experiences. They elucidate, explore, provoke and expose. And they care.

I have about 40 words left to fill in this column. I’m going to fill them, not because I have space to fill, but because I’ve been granted the opportunity to fill space. And as an artist, I’d be damned not to.

Michael Smith is a UF mechanical engineering junior. His column appears on Tuesdays.