There is a vast hoard arising at UF. It is recognizable by the hoard’s pasty, livid complexions. You can spot them a mile off by their awkward, stumbling, limp gaits. However, the best way to spot one of these bastion’s life-sucking buggers is to get up close and personal, so you can see the dead, hopeless gaze in their eyes.
I am of course referring to the growing number of zombie haters who have begun to spread their infectious nature around our fair campus.
These horrible, ghoulish creatures are especially dangerous because, unlike their undead counterparts, they do not shriek or yell before an impending attack.
There is no rush of clopping footsteps to aim your Nerf gun at. No, the only moans you hear from this group are on Facebook status updates and mean-spirited editorials.
Luckily, many have a pre-existing immunity to this horrible affliction. Yes, there is hope for all those who have a sense of humor and the ability to do something just for the sake of having fun.
For those of you who have decided that your college memories will consist of nothing else but resume builders, social point activities and alcohol-induced blackouts, I am sorry to say that there may be no cure. You are doomed.
I can only hope that those of you who have succumbed to this horrible plight of being incapable of doing or even understanding the act of something fun just for the sake of fun, learn to keep your opinions to yourselves.
I would ask that you at least learn to abide by a simple rule that the resistance and the undead alike have sworn to uphold and respect: “Don’t be a dick!”
