A specter is haunting Russia — the specter of gangsta rap. Over the course of his 16-year reign, Russian President Vladimir Putin has repeatedly affirmed his status as a disciple of hip-hop’s more aggressive permutation. This could be seen most recently from March 5 until this past Monday, when Putin was nowhere to be seen, spurring both media outlets and the world audience to work themselves into a tizzy over where he may have gone and why.
Putin’s disappearance followed the Feb. 27 assassination of long-time opposition leader Boris Nemtsov, who was gunned down crossing the Bolshoy Moskvoretsky Bridge, which overlooks the Kremlin. Russian authorities have captured five Chechens connected to the murder, chalking up Nemtsov’s execution as another example of Muslim extremism. The odds of that being the actual explanation are slim to none.
Over the last few days, several think pieces were published that sought to explain or rationalize Putin’s decision. In its article, “Putin Has Vanished, but Rumors Are Popping Up Everywhere,” The New York Times noted the theories that had emerged: Putin had contracted the flu or suffered a stroke; he had fled the country to witness the birth of his love child in Switzerland; suddenly struck with the unbearable weight of personal accountability, he had fled Russia to fight in Ukraine himself — evidence proving that this was not the case has yet to emerge.
Where many of these explanations falter, and what they fail to account for, is Putin’s status as a certified G. A much more succinct and accurate explanation of his behavior can be found in the 1988 classic, “Straight Outta Compton,” specifically in Eazy-E’s verse. Before his untimely passing, Eazy, “The Godfather of Gangsta Rap,” would speak at length about his criminal behavior:
“See I don’t give a f***, that’s the problem/I see a motherf****** cop, I don’t dodge him/But I’m smart, lay low, creep a while/And when I see a punk pass, I smile…/Looking for the one they call Eazy/But here’s a flash, they never seize me/Ruthless/Never seen like a shadow in the dark/Except when I unload.” Replace “cop” with “Western capitalist pig” and “Eazy” with “Putin,” and you would be hard-pressed to argue that Putin hadn’t written this himself.
Putin’s brief sabbatical following Nemtsov’s murder is yet another in a long line of instances where Putin’s actions have put the boasts of rappers to shame. Putin has taken the cornerstone concepts of gangsta rap, such as territory, having a crew and flexing in front of your enemies and rendered them on a global scale hitherto unseen. It is no wonder then that other international powers have referred to Russia as a “mafia state.” As reported by BBC in 2010, Wikileaks distributed a diplomatic cable between Spanish prosecutor Jose “Pepe” Grinda Gonzalez and the U.S., where Gonzalez alleged that “one cannot differentiate between the activities of the Government and OC (organized crime) groups” in Russia. Even the hardest of the hard, such as Raekwon the Chef or Gucci Mane, would find it difficult to top having an entire geopolitical landmass in your pocket.
One of the core tenets of hip-hop is the notion of “realness”— the idea that your words ought to reflect your experiences. I would like to propose that Putin ditch this soft authoritarian business and ascend to his true calling: that of an emcee. If the last few months have shown us anything, it’s that Putin is as real as they come. The man sends Russian bomber jets to fly over the U.K. just to prove that he can — Tupac only dreamed of the day that he would send military-grade weaponry to level Biggie’s New York residence.
Given the increasing popularity of foreign hip-hop artists in America (read: Assassin, Skepta, Riz MC), I have no doubts about Putin’s capacity for crossover appeal. Additionally, I’m not the only person who has seen Putin’s pop potential — Russian rap group A.M.G. notched a hit in 2014 with its Migos-style song “Go Hard Like Vladimir Putin”.
Putin needs to strike while the iron is hot — with the conflict in Ukraine reaching a fever pitch and more international attention than ever, a Beyoncé-esque surprise iTunes release would generate a media shitstorm the likes of which have never been seen. But then again, Putin has never been too fond of journalists. A hypothetical mixtape by Vladimir Putin gets a 10 out of 10, would listen to again and again.
Zach Schlein is a UF political science junior. His column appears on Fridays.
[A version of this story ran on page 7 on 3/20/2015 under the headline “The world eagerly waits for Vladimir Putin to spit that fire”]
