Well, you can’t say we didn’t try.
It feels like Mitt Romney campaigned for eight years instead of only four. He didn’t get the nomination in 2008, so he had to change a lot of his positions in the meantime.
Out of the possible choices for the Republican presidential candidate, Romney was the best — probably.
It felt like he was simply fulfilling a role once he received the nomination from the Grand Old Party. He was just some dude who now wore “Republican nominee” on his name-tag; in the proverbial playbill, it was his character’s name.
Perhaps that’s what you can say about each presidential candidate from the two major parties: They were simply selected to complete the voting cycle machine. Maybe it never matters whose face you put on a ballot, but only that party politics get noticed.
In this case, however, the party politics should have been as undesirable as the candidate.
The world makes a little less sense now. We have to trudge through some really scary times throughout the next four years.
Maybe we can ignore the fact that we have a president at all.
Ignorance is bliss.
Go about your days without a care in the world, folks, because everything is much worse if you start to care about stuff.
Pretend that basic human rights can be ignored. Imagine that no jobs will leave this country because manufacturing items in China is more appealing. Maybe women can graduate out of that pesky binder to something more form-flattering, like a floppy disk or one of those shoe trees.
Sorry, America. It was halftime, and the replacement referees made the calls. We had only one shot, and we missed our chance to blow. This opportunity was one in a lifetime, yo (you better).
The celebrity endorsements couldn’t persuade you. The threat of homeless Muppets couldn’t persuade you.
We hate Mitt Romney because he hates his nonfellow humans. Real Americans will not benefit from a Romney presidency. We will suffer, fail, cry and go into a depression. Not an economic depression. A real depression.
Couch sales will probably increase due to how sad we will be during the next four years.
Think back to, like, second grade. Your assigned seat is next to Rushald Trumbaugh. Rushald Trumbaugh is kind of a troublemaker — a blowhard-y windbag who only says things to get a rise out of people. He’s a real class clown.
One day, Rushald Trumbaugh yelled so many inaccurate facts that everyone got distracted from what he or she was trying to do, listened to him and believed what he said.
Because you always sit next to him, your teacher thought you were part of the problem, too. You both got in trouble. No, you didn’t do anything wrong, but you didn’t try to stop it, either.
Thanks to you and Rushald Trumbaugh, we have to sit through four years of an incredibly long timeout session while a boring man makes us wash dishes, even though they’re already clean.
