February relationship series: notion of ‘innocence’

Any conversation about intimacy would be remiss to ignore the subject of sex, and I think it is vital to examine a longstanding social trend known as “purity culture.” Society has deemed sex as the single act in human experience which is detractive. The term “virginity” has no parallel in our language. You don’t avoid learning to swim because you can never again be a “non-swimmer.” Let’s take a look at why.

Sex and shame are incredibly effective means of control. When you can convince a population that premarital sex is shameful, you reduce the number of children born outside of marriage. Why would anyone want to do this? Given modern alternatives, we often forget that for most of history marriage has been a religious institution, which required pledging to raise one’s children in accordance with the church. Proselytizing religions evolved to out-breed opposing faiths by discouraging non-procreative sex.

These tactics are out of date. The dominant religions of the world are no longer fighting for numbers. What other factors perpetuate sex-negative attitudes?

Let’s clarify for a moment. What I am talking about here is the physical act of sex only. Arguments exist for abstinence on the basis of pregnancy, disease and other manageable risks. I credit my readers with enough intelligence to understand that failure to communicate with your partners, get tested regularly and use protection is irresponsible. These issues aside, what is the argument for “purity?”

A key motivator is the notion of “innocence.” What does that mean? Innocence itself is defined as freedom from wrongdoing, or else as the absence of guile or deceit. It is often equated with naivete.

The first definition presupposes that sex is morally wrong. There are two roads to this way of thinking: Either one believes that morality is objective, decreed by some higher power, or one believes in subjective morality. Regarding the former, I have already demonstrated that proponents of “higher morality” stand to gain from these claims. We would reject this conflict of interest in any other circumstance, and I will not dignify it here. What we’re left with is subjective morality, where we must consider whether a thing is right or wrong based on the real-world effect it has.

The next definition assumes one who is not innocent is deceitful, and that to be naive is preferable. Any action can be done deceitfully, but what of those who participate in sex without lying to themselves, their partners or others? If sex can be done honestly, then we must discard the idea that sex is inherently deceitful. The second assumption is still more disturbing: that naivete is desirable. Naivete is derived from old French, meaning one’s “original disposition,” without learning or change. Naivete is the state of a child, and yet we hold it up as a virtue, that adults should aspire to be unlearned and inexperienced. Where the populace considers knowledge shameful, it should be no surprise that they believe sex is detractive and corrupting. If such things were true, why would knowledge about sex be discouraged? Surely such dangers would make themselves apparent upon inspection.

Sexual purity is a baseless notion. So what do we do now? Let’s start by treating sex like any other experience. As countless people have learned, sex doesn’t change you overnight, just like having your first drink, smoking marijuana or anything else that is sold to us as life-changing. These are all just experiences, and they become part of who we are one piece at a time. Experience does, however, lend us perspective and understanding, and those things are invaluable. The more of life we experience, the more we can empathize with others, the more we can draw on our experiences to create, discuss, and take informed action. To close ourselves off from an entire arena of life limits us immeasurably, and it’s not something we should do simply because we are told.

This column is the third in a series of four.

David Billig is a UF linguistics masters student. His column appears on Wednesdays.