It’s a recurring experience: uncomfortably avoiding the people that flier in Turlington. As you stroll on by, these people usually wear blank looks on their faces that scream “please, just take it” as they eagerly shoot their arm out, flier in hand. Or you may be lucky to encounter the person over-enthusiastically handing out fliers, the one who stops you to chit chat in regards to their event/party/meeting/idea/concert/candidate/free food/club/special. These people give 110 percent.
I understand that handing out fliers is pervasive throughout all kinds of organizations. It’s one of the most powerful promotional stunts a group can undertake on campus, specifically when constrained by resources. I specially understand this because I’m usually on the other side. I’m the enemy. Due to my extracurricular involvement, I occasionally flier in Turlington.
I’ve learned a lot in the time I’ve spent at UF. I’ve learned avoiding Turlington when classes get out at 1:35 p.m. is a good idea. I’ve learned making the Chick-fil-A line is always worth it. I’ve learned bus drivers rule the road. I’ve learned walking uphill will never be my forte.
Furthermore, I’ve learned the protocol for the successful avoidance of fliers. I would like to see more people adding some versatility in the way they shun my fliers. If you’re one of these determined avoiders, I have formulated a list of dos and don’ts that will hopefully guide you in making your avoidance a mutual benefit for both parties: you’ll get to avoid them and they’ll get a wonderful time out of it, hopefully.
Don’t:
• Think you’re fooling anyone with those sunglasses and headphones. I know you see and hear me, silly
• Wander ahead with your head glued forward as if hypnotized. I’m here and you know it.
• Shuffle ahead with your head down. You may crash into someone. Or a bike may crash into you.
• Pick up your pace. I’m not chasing you.
• Stare at your phone. We both know you’re staring at your lock screen.
• Decide to strike up a conversation with the person next to you. We both know you don’t know them.
• Scratch your face intensely to keep your hands occupied. I can slip the flier in your back pocket.
• Point at your bike and shrug as if it makes you immune to fliers. Especially when you’re not riding it.
• Roll your eyes at me when I offer you free food. It is free food.
• Take the flier, not look at it and place it in the trash five feet ahead of us. I saw you.
Do:
• Reach out to grab the flier only to not grab it. Instead, pull back slowly and bust out the ‘Dougie’, Or, as personal request, bust out your best Terio impression.
• Perform surprise Capoeira.
• Duck and crawl away in slow motion while calling “retreat, retreat, retreat” in your invisible walkie-talkie.
• Break out into a musical number.
• Zoom past me on a hover board.
• Commence a staring contest once your hand touches the flier.
• Grab the flier and if it interests you take it with you. If it doesn’t, kindly give it back to me.
It’s that simple.
