This season has been downright scary for the rest of the alligatorSports crew when Adam Pincus is at the wheel. Whether it’s agitating 18-wheeler drivers on our way to College Station, Texas, or almost driving off a hill in Knoxville, Tenn., something always seems to happen on Southeastern Conference road trips. With Halloween six days away, the gang is getting ready for another road trip — this time to Jacksonville for the World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party. This de facto SEC East championship game will surely spur several intense Will Muschamp facial expressions. Those, my friends, are the scariest things of all.
Now, onto the picks!
Oklahoma (-10) will toss Notre Dame around like Dominique Easley’s Chucky doll because…
Bob Stoops is the man. The Sooners will control the football with their running game. They’re tied for seventh nationally with 20 rushing touchdowns this season. Notre Dame hasn’t allowed any. But the Irish haven’t faced a back like Blake “The Belldozer” Bell, whose eight rushing touchdowns are the fifth highest among quarterbacks. The divine run for the Golden Domers ends in wagon country. Plus, the leprechaun mascot is downright creepy. Halloween costume idea?
—ADAM PINCUS
Notre Dame (+10) will give Bob Stoops the spooks because...
Everyone should be Manti Te’o for Halloween. A year after Luke Kuechly for Heisman fell short, Te’o is here to pick up the mantle for dominant, hard-nosed middle linebackers everywhere. With 69 tackles, four interceptions and enough jack-ups to make the Belldozer shake in his boots, Te’o is the total package. Who needs a quarterback when you’ve got the best defensive player in college football? Irish all the way! Touchdown Jesus!
—GREG LUCA
Leading the way at 41-23 is Rivals’ Bryan “Chubby chasin’ ain’t easy” Holt, who has had to intensify his hunting methods as the prey begins to catch on to his tricks. If Holt doesn’t adapt, he’ll go from pursuing contestants from “The Biggest Loser” to just earning the moniker himself.
In second at 38-26 is the Miami Herald’s Matt “She’s not my girlfriend“ Watts, who has had the same visitor every Tuesday night for months but swears it’s nothing serious. Just admit it, Watts: You’re in love. The girls at midtown are already tired of hearing stories about your girl in Duval.
Ranking third with a 37-27 record is the Associated Press’ Mark “Hey Dad, wanna have a catch?” Long, who fulfilled a life-long dream on Tuesday when he got to throw a football with offensive coordinator Brent Pease at his weekly media availability. And just like Ray Kinsella’s dad in “Field of Dreams,” Mark threw like a girl. Really, man? Can’t muster a spiral from 10 feet away? Remember, fingers on the laces.
In fourth with a 35-29 mark is alligatorSports editor Greg “Check out my MySpace page” Luca, who was stumped when he attempted to “like” a friend’s Facebook photo with rapper Kendrick Lamar because he couldn’t identify the proper button. Hint: It’s the one that looks like Jelani Jenkins’ thumb cast.
Sitting in fifth at 32-32 is Joe “I can’t do movie reviews” Morgan, who doesn’t seem to understand the concept of a five-second movie review on alligatorSports podcasts. He only uses 2.7 of the five seconds, but perhaps that’s still 2.7 seconds too long. So you’re saying “Moneyball” was good? How insightful.
Tied with Joe at 32-32 is Adam “I’m pretty sure I have her number“ Pincus, who has dragged digits out of so many uninterested females desperate to get rid of him that he honestly believed he’d met a fictitious baton twirler a colleague invented this week. Well, I guess you’ve got just as good a chance with her as you do with all of the real ones.
Rounding out the three-way tie at 32-32 is Jason “PROF_SS_ONAL_SM“ Lieser, who thought a game of hangman on the locker room whiteboard was a good way to pass the time between interviews. I’m sure Muschamp would be happy to see his catchphrase “You guys ain’t got no guts, man” being put to good use.
And in dead-ass last place with a piss poor record of 30-34 is alligatorSports writer Josh “The Eagles suck, too!” Jurnovoy, who was recently barred from joining a group of friends bemoaning the plight of their respective NFL teams. Sorry, Josh, but even misery doesn’t love company enough to have you around.
