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Friday, September 20, 2024

Few college football programs have as polarizing of an effect as the mighty Pirates of East Carolina.

It's no surprise, then, that the ECU-UNC contest produced a five-five split in the votes this week.

We left it up to Mike McCall, lover of all things Purple and Gold, and Mike DiFerdinando, hater of all that is good, to settle the debate in the alligatorSports Brand Picks Column.

Why UNC will cover the spread…After all these years, McCall is still clinging to some disillusioned notion that ECU football is relevant and legitimate.

It's OK, Mike. I know you bleed Purple and Gold.

But that doesn't change the fact that the only thing more pathetic than your beloved Pirates in the city of Greenville (and I use the term city loosely) is the mediocre chicken restaurant that you so desperately defend.

Just like Bojangles, ECU is average at best. Butch Davis and Greg Little should have no problem putting away a team that plays in a conference whose main TV contract is with CSTV.

The only thing more ridiculous than the notion that East Carolina Teachers Training School (as it was originally known) has a chance against UNC is the Pirates' earring-wearing mascot.

- MIKE DiFERDINANDO

Why ECU will cover the 7.5-point spread… There are only two things that make Mike DiFerdinando happy: listening to Anthony Bourdain ramble and making people miserable.

He routinely leaves the pressbox to go running through the stands and knock ice cream out of the hands of children.

He eats at Panda Express, which means he's eating your lost pets.

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Once a week, he sells counterfeit tickets to hospital patients, then takes the cash downtown and lights it on fire in front of homeless people.

And he insults my beloved Pirates and favorite restaurant in the hopes that I'll spend my nights the same way he does, crying into a pillow.

But it won't work, because ECU is going to Paint it Purple this weekend in Chapel Hill.

By that, I don't mean win, but I do mean lose by a touchdown or less. I have a sixth sense for how much the Pirates will lose by (last week I bet them to lose by 15 or more to West Virginia, and they lost by 15), and this game will be close, just as ECU's 34-31 win over the Tar Heels in 2007 was.

- MIKE McCALL

Editor's Note: DiFer agreed a month ago to accompany Mr. McCall to a Thursday night ECU game in November.

Now, on to the picks!

In first with an 11-9 record is Mike "I've got something in my front pocket" DiFerdinando, who in a stunning departure from his Butters-like self, tried to make his father pay to park at his house for a game despite the fact that his pops pays the rent. You're grounded, mister

Tied for first with an 11-9 record is the Miami Herald's Joe "You look like Jodie Foster" Goodman, who will be celebrating an anniversary Saturday: two years of avoiding getting bashed in the face on back-to-back Fridays and showing up to games with a busted nose.

Sitting in a tie for third at 9-11 is Bobby "Skeets" Callovi, who got to see how grown-ups live for a few hours Thursday after his girlfriend lent him her car. No doubt he returned it full of empty juice boxes and half-chewed McDonald's Happy Meal toys.

Also tied for third at 9-11 is Mike "Yeezy did what now?" McCall, who is too cool to know what is going on with anything on MTV yet can name and recite character traits for all eight of Jon and Kate's kids.

Beginning the three-way tie for fifth at 8-12 is Kyle "Mike Piazza's just in touch with his emotions" Maistri, who doesn't often find himself speechless, but Jeff Demps interviews always do the trick, when he closes his eyes and dreams he's on a 75-yard piggy-back ride.

Also tied at 8-12 is the Orlando Sentinel's Jeremy "Please call Lane Kiffin a bozo" Fowler, who would give all the trendy golf shirts in his wardrobe for 15 minutes alone with Andre Debose's hamstring.

Also at 8-12 is the Florida Times-Union's Mike "The Zooker gets a bad rap" DiRocco, whose blog, "Piece of Di Roc," hasn't been updated since Dec. 1. It's not his fault, though. Grandparents are never good with computers.

Starting the three-way tie for last at 7-13 is the Gainesville Sun's Ed "My uncle's in town, I can't work" Aschoff, who carries a jar of Vaseline and a pocket pack of tissues just in case Urban Meyer singles out Adrian Bushell for his special teams efforts.

Tied for last place at 7-13 is Phil "Not in my paper" Kegler, who believes our readership can handle nothing more vulgar than language he would use around the Pope.

In dead last place - thanks to the alphabet - with a piss-poor record of 7-13 is the Palm Beach Post's Ben "OGIO till I die" Volin, who spent the week in Knoxville chasing Lane Kiffin and taking his sexual frustrations out on various livestock.

MDF JG BC MM MDR
MSU (+10)-ND ND ND ND ND ND
ECU (+7.5)-UNC UNC UNC ECU ECU UNC
Cal-Minn (+14) Minn Cal Cal Cal Minn
TT (+17.5)-UT UT UT UT UT UT
Tulsa (+17)-OU OU OU OU Tulsa Tulsa
USC-Wash (+20) Wash USC Wash Wash Wash
FSU (+7.5)-BYU FSU BYU BYU FSU BYU
WVU (+7)-AU AU AU WVU AU AU
UGA (+1)-Ark UGA Ark Ark Ark Ark
Tenn (+30)-UF UF UF UF Tenn UF
JF KM EA PK BV
MSU (+10)-ND MSU ND MSU ND ND
ECU (+7.5)-UNC UNC ECU UNC ECU ECU
Cal-Minn (+14) Cal Cal Minn Cal Cal
TT (+17.5)-UT UT UT UT UT UT
Tulsa (+17)-OU OU OU Tulsa Tulsa Tulsa
USC-Wash (+20) Wash USC Wash USC USC
FSU (+7.5)-BYU BYU FSU FSU BYU BYU
WVU (+7)-AU WVU WVU WVU WVU WVU
UGA (+1)-Ark UGA Ark UGA Ark Ark
Tenn (+30)-UF UF UF UF UF UF
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