I love America, and so should you.
So many people are ungrateful for American opportunities, such as having the very opportunity to hate your own country if you so desire. Try that in Saudi Arabia; I dare you.
Yes, there are problems with the United States, and there are things that must be fixed. But maybe the problem isn't only with government and infrastructure. Maybe it has to do with morale and mindset. Who is cheering us on? Definitely not other countries. And now not even our own citizens?
In my opinion, one of the biggest problems is that it is no longer the 1980s.
Back then, we had a better opponent to hate: those godless, morally dead Soviets. It was like an international pay-per-view fight: democracy vs. communism, temperate climate vs. frozen tundra, Rocky Balboa vs. Ivan Drago. They were just so easy to hate.
Now our major enemies are terrorist factions in the Middle East that are often centered on structured religious bias.
Ugh.
As for a suitable enemy, they simply aren't relatable. Their accents simply aren't as hilarious, and we have no major sports competition with them.
That is the root of our problems, I think.
Part of it lies in the current nonexistence of American dominance in international sports. We can't even beat Mexico in soccer.
Why don't we form international competitions with the sports we are actually good at? I am begging for an International Football League. Please, please, please!
I don't expect the games to be entertaining. In fact, I don't want them to be. I just want them to effectively demonstrate our country's dominance.
I want games where America's score reaches triple digits - in the championship finals. I want to see 10 points gained by forcing five safeties.
Maybe it's because we used to be the underdogs, and now we're not. Now we're a faltering power.
Well, since the economy is tanking again, this is a good time. We can be underdogs once again.
And rather than being a faltering power, we can dip really quickly and then have a surge like the 1980s times two.
In "Rocky IV," Dolph Lundgren became the culmination of all Soviet frustration in one Ivan Drago.
Only Rocky Balboa could quell the anger of a crowd of Soviets and teach us all about the necessity of love and respect in warfare, directing us toward eventual peace as the result of a 15-round slugfest.
Our generation's version of terrorists couldn't sit still in a room to watch a boxing match without strapping at least one or two children with bombs, enticing them with promises of virgins and cheesy poofs.
So it comes down to honor. Whatever happened to honorable combat? Scorpion shows Sub-Zero more respect. At least he waits to perform a demoralizing fatality on an opposing contestant until after an announcer declares, "Finish him."
Nowadays, terrorists kidnap our innocent civilians (or news reporters) and torture them in ways Mortal Kombat creators study for months to try to even generate a fraction of gore that severe.
So, America, I love you to death, but I am putting you on the spot. We need to tone it down for a couple years so you can come back with a vengeance, ‘80s style. Oh, and we need to be better at international sports.
Either way, I really miss the Soviet Union.
Shea Ford is a psychology senior at UF. His column appears on Tuesdays.
