As we return from Winter Break, many of us can easily attest to the difficulty of making plans with old and new friends alike. Perhaps the struggle stems from overscheduled lives or your inability to change out of the pajamas you wore for three weeks straight, but you can’t deny that making plans often morphs into a viciously futile cycle of back-and-forth texts that ultimately lead nowhere. Responses like, “Maybe!” and, “I’ll try!” become increasingly prevalent as they incorporate the perfect amount of ambiguity without becoming a full-out “no.” But it wasn’t always this way. So what’s changed?
Aziz Ansari put it best in his “Live at Madison Square Garden” special: “No one wants to commit to shit because they’re terrified that something better’s going to come along.”
We’re hyperconnected, and our fear of missing out fuels our inability to commit. It was this painfully acute observation about what Ansari calls “the least lonely generation” that continued to resurface in my mind as I experienced an extreme manifestation of this fear of commitment firsthand.
I’ll be the first to admit I can be a bit anal-retentive when it come to making plans, and surrounding myself with equally orderly friends only worsens the problem. They know I need notice of any plans at least 24 hours in advance and there must always be confirmation the day of. I know; it’s overkill.
So when I was invited to spend New Year’s Eve in Miami with two friends, I told myself, for once, I needed to relax: no making plans, leading the group or unnecessarily stressing (my specialty). I swallowed my distaste for New Year’s resolutions and made a commitment to take a step back from micromanaging, at least for a few days.
What I didn’t know was during this period of time I would be introduced to the flakiest group of individuals I have ever met. Friends of a friend, they constantly discussed plans that never came to fruition and backed out without so much as an excuse or apology. We stayed in town for an extra day to take one of them to the airport, only to be told last minute she found another ride. I miraculously kept my mouth shut until the ride home, when my friend gave me the dismissal that everyone at her school was like that. “They’re great friends, but not very dependable,” she said.
To me, it seemed like an oxymoron: Isn’t friendship defined by your ability to be there for each other? Yet, the more I thought about it, the more I was reminded of the last-minute excuses I had given to get out of plans in favor of something presumably better. It’s a constant temptation: the ability to send a text and be immediately freed of any and all obligations, stemming from our generational inability to say no. In the era of ghosting, ceasing all contact with someone sans explanation is often seen as a better decision than an honest confrontation because, well, it’s easier and we like to keep our options open.
If you truly care about someone, you’ll make time for them — no exceptions. Despite my hesitation to ever admit that my mom is right, she’s the one who originally drilled this lesson into my head, and it’s never been proven wrong.
Commitments aren’t as terrifying as they may seem and being upfront with someone saves you a lot of trouble in the long run. Besides, no one likes a flaky friend.
Marisa Papenfuss is a UF English junior. Her column appears on Tuesdays.
