Brr! Or something. Don’t worry, you’re not the only one who’s overly excited for the winter flavors available at Starbucks now. Even though our winter is much more mild than Actual Winter, we can still pretend that what we see could be a scene from Winterfell.
This brings us to the it’s-great-to-be-a-Florida-Gator-during-Homecoming! edition of...
Darts & Laurels
Did you hear a collective sigh of relief on Tuesday night? When President Obama was re-elected, there was not so much a scream of celebration as there was a giant “PHEW.” It feels like we really dodged a bullet there. Four more years of a really adorable and wonderful family in the White House. We give a thank-god-it-didn’t-come-down-to-Florida LAUREL to America.
Hurricane Sandy was a real witch; that storm completely ruined Halloween and also the northeastern coast. Another huge storm is headed that way. A Nor’easter is walloping our neighbors to the north, sending a lot of cold winds and snow all over the place. We give a way-to-kick-us-when-we’re-down DART to Mother Nature.
If you’re a fan of NBC’s “Parks and Recreation,” then you probably know about Leslie Knope’s crush on Vice President Joe Biden. Obama called him the “Happy Warrior” during his acceptance speech on Tuesday night (technically early Wednesday morning, thanks to some brat who locked himself in a hotel room). Biden will appear on next week’s episode of “Parks,” much to Leslie’s delight. We give a this-is-a-“big-effing-deal”-to-us-we-can-hardly-wait LAUREL to Joe Biden.
Don’t ignore that email from Twitter that you might have received on Thursday. It accidentally reset a bunch of passwords that it didn’t mean to; be careful, make sure that you pay attention to the links in the email. Some hackers might take advantage of the confusion to send you something phishy. We give a we-thought-we-could-trust-Twitter-with-our-deepest-secrets-guess-not DART to Twitter. Can we not trust anything anymore?! Yeesh. Maybe we should all give up on social media and start reading more books.
So many fun things were voted on during the election! Yeah, for those of you who weren’t aware, there’s a lot more on the ballot than just who should win America’s Next Top President. Congratulations to all of the states who passed amendments to allow marriage equality! We give a that’s-definitely-a-step-in-the-right-direction LAUREL to America. Again. We will give America as many Laurels as we damn well please!
Until we give America a Dart. Some of you might be aware of Hank. He’s a cat. He ran a campaign for a senate seat in Virginia. His platform was “Jobs, Animal Rescue / Spay & Neuter programs, and Positive Campaign Reform.” He won 6,000 votes — which placed him third in that senate race. We give a you-weren’t-supposed-to-actually-vote-for-a-cat DART to America. Hank is super cute and all, but he’s probably not fit for senate duty. Talk to us when Lil Bub is on the ballot.
Reminder: the world is going to end next month. The Mayans may have actually been onto something, despite the sensational aspect of the previous sentence. Sporadic climate change could have brought down their empire, and that’s what they could have picked up on in the future we’re living in. We give a suckers-we-told-you-climate-change-was-real LAUREL to the Mayans.
Have a wonderful Homecoming weekend, and Go Gators!
