Welcome back for the home stretch of the spring semester - a mere five weeks remain until the endless possibilities of summer embrace you with open arms.
Whether you were avoiding Mexican drug cartels like the plague or sneaking into private 40th-birthday parties held in honor of B-list celebrities, we can safely assume that you caught up on some much-overdue partying. Now that you are back, we hope you are ready to attack the remainder of the semester with the fervor of a Santa Monica street performer preying on the wallets of unsuspecting tourists donning the latest offerings in fanny pack fashion.
But if you're like us, you might find yourself wary of letting the party end - even if your bank account took a bigger hit than a right hook to the jugular from Rampage Jackson.
Ah, the great dilemma of achieving balance; it befuddles even the craftiest members of The Gator Nation. We are only kidding ourselves if the goal for the remainder of the semester fails to include concocting a seven-step handshake with that I-heard-he-can-bench-press-the-world bouncer manning the door at the Grog House - along with a 3.5 GPA.
Slap, clap, fist pound, shimmy, crazy fingers, chest bump, high five!
With your grades in mind and your social lives our foremost concern, the Editorial Board bestows upon you three gems of wisdom to help you live out the tagline from "Entourage" in your everyday life. Like Vince, Ari and the boys, maybe you, too, can have it all.
You probably caught yourself wondering why on your return flight home you were a beef torta or two away from having to sheepishly ask the flight attendant for a seat belt extension. Sure, you were never going to confuse anyone for McDreamy, but trust us when we say the Spring Break Diet and South Beach Diet are not two distant cousins.
Now that you're back in Gainesville, say goodbye to filet mignon and Fiji artesian water, and learn to make fast friends with the dumpster behind Leo's. We hear if you time it just right, you might even be able to score some marinara sauce to keep your oh-so-fresh half-eaten rolls company.
While nothing can replace getting your groove on at a club in Acapulco with some nameless coed as the beer flows like wine, who says you can't recreate the same magic right here in Gainesville? Everyone knows that the prime-time nights to peruse the social offerings of our fine city fall within the trifecta of Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights - but let's think outside the box for a minute.
Generally recognized as a time to get work done and conjure imagery of another lost weekend, Monday evenings are this season's new black. Head down to Common Grounds for a few rounds of free PBR, and keep the party going while you channel your inner Meat Loaf, telling the world that you will, in fact, do anything for love.
Didn't do the reading for econ and you want to pretend that you are an active contributor to your class discussion? Say it slowly with us now, folks: T-A-N-G-E-N-T - God's gift to underachieving students everywhere.
Even if you haven't been blessed with the gift of gab, posing questions to the class vaguely related to the topic at hand can quickly have your professor thinking you are the next "Good Will Hunting." Nothing beats racking up the participation points effort-free while your classmates sneer at you after giving up their Tuesday night to pore over hours of listless jargon.
What are you waiting for? Hit the streets hard and the books not so much, fellow demigod.
But if you're not up for the challenge, just take solace in the fact that debauchery will soon rear its ugly head once again.
Only 51 more weeks until Spring Break 2010.
