You’ve spent an hour jogging on this nature trail, but you’ve already started regretting coming into existence. Walking along a bustling stream seems like a nice idea on paper, but no one ever talks about the mosquitoes in their poems.
Your friend is jogging ahead of you with their AirPods blasting away. They seem to be enjoying themselves, at least. You, on the other hand, are having difficulty avoiding the several roots and twigs on the path.
Unfortunately, you finally meet your match, and a rock sends you tumbling down a hidden ledge.
Your body slams into the ground. You hear a loud crack and quickly inspect yourself. Nothing is broken, but you now have a few bruises accompanying the bug bites. You look up and see the distance you fell, quickly giving up on any notion of climbing back up. There’s at least 100 feet of dirt and grass above you.
You’re lucky to be alive, if being trapped in the middle of a forest is considered lucky.
You look around and see if there are any other ways of escape. Behind you, you see a man-made tunnel and start walking toward the entrance screaming your friend’s name in the hope that they’ll come searching for you.
As soon as you step inside of the tunnel, you stop dead in your tracks.
Its walls are engraved with strange shapes and symbols you can’t really decipher, and you’re not even sure you want to.
Hesitating, you take a step closer.
Across the walls you see...
Darts & Laurels
The holiday season is officially upon us now that Starbucks has brought back its holiday flavors. We have to give Starbucks a laurel for gifting us with coffee that really shouldn’t be considered coffee, but tastes good nonetheless. Nothing says happy holidays like peppermint or eggnog mixed with an unhealthy amount of sugar.
Another food company has gotten into the holiday spirit. Jayson Gonzalez, a college student in Minnesota, has been reselling Krispy Kreme doughnuts in order to pay his college tuition, and Krispy Kreme is completely on board with it. A laurel goes to Krispy Kreme for knowing the struggle is real and helping him fight through it.
Getting through college is hard, but getting through elections as a minority candidate is even harder. We have to give a laurel to nearly 100 LGBTQ+ candidates who were elected this Tuesday. It’s nice to see progress in areas that really need more LGBTQ+ representation.
Unfortunately, it seems like we are still regressing in other areas.
Sen. John Kennedy of Louisiana recently called House Speaker Nancy Pelosi “dumb” for starting the impeachment inquiry against President Donald Trump. Do we think he would’ve used “dumb” if Pelosi was a man? Probably not. Do we think that he used “dumb” due to its close association with a profanity against women? Absolutely. We have to give Sen. Kennedy a dart for using an insult from elementary school, while also being sexist.
It seems a lot of people are overlooking women for stupid reasons, even other women. Julie Vidaud, a 911 dispatcher supervisor in South Florida, was streaming a Netflix movie while a woman attempted to call about a shooting.
The woman called a total of three times, and help didn’t arrive until more than an half an hour later. Not only are we giving Vidaud a dart for being terrible at her job but also for putting people’s lives at stake.
Thanks for ruining Netflix at work for everyone, Vidaud. We hope “I Am Mother” was worth it.
The Editorial Board consists of Zora Viel, Opinions Editor; Amanda Rosa, Editor-in Chief; Kelly Hayes, Digital Managing Editor; and Tranelle Maner, Engagement Managing Editor.
