I’m emotional, but that doesn’t make me any less powerful

I’m an emotional woman. I’ll answer the question now: No, I’m not PMS-ing or hormonal. My emotions usually stem from my experiences, my normal and healthily shifting moods and my daily life. Not all women are as emotional as I am, and I think it would be fair to say I am more emotional than most of my female friends. Even so, every woman and every person on this planet has feelings. My slight surplus of feelings doesn’t influence or negate my potential, my intelligence, my professionalism or any aspect of my worth.

I experience this pressure to hide or minimize my emotions, even from those closest to me. I’m perpetually afraid that in revealing my “weaknesses” my reputation will be tarnished. I fear my ideas won’t receive the consideration they deserve, my feelings will be taken less seriously and chalked up to a “dramatic nature,” or I’ll be treated as less capable of large responsibilities.

I’m aware most people grapple with vulnerability, and I’m certainly not implying fearing vulnerability is exclusively feminine. Quite the contrary, I know vulnerability is one of the most universal fears. It’s primal.

I can’t speak for other genders, but I struggle as a woman with this pressure to create a relentlessly thick-skinned and resilient facade to gain the respect of others. If I’m “too emotional,” people will not only invalidate my emotions, but they’ll also doubt my capacity to handle real-world issues and responsibilities. My emotions are constantly shifting day to day, but I usually choose to keep them to myself. In the moments when I do reveal my emotions, however, my intellect and work ethic remain constant or improve because I’m relieved from the stress of masking my moods. Just because someone expresses their frustration or sadness doesn’t mean they’re suddenly fragile or incapable of a normal workload. It simply means they’re entrusting you with their emotions or, more likely, they’re human and can’t always disguise or contain their thoughts.

It’s OK to have a lot of feelings. I look at all the famous women I admire and think of them as these stone warriors, fighting away any emotional responses to difficult circumstances. That’s not real life, though, and most celebrities don’t pretend it is. I put these people on an impractical pedestal to create a model for myself. It’s an excuse to imitate them and hide my own feelings, but I need to be more realistic about my heroes’ hardships. It would help me be more honest about my own, too. Although I’m a survivor, I still feel the impacts of my own adversities. It’s time to accept my past and start working past those feelings, instead of living in denial about the tribulations that still sting.

I’m really hard on myself. I feel like everyone can see when I’m depressed or angry or upset, but I need to give myself more credit. I’m good at keeping my life together when I feel like I’m falling apart. I need to stop worrying my reputation’s in peril when I’m feeling down because I control who knows about my emotions.

Revealing your feelings to another person, especially sensitive ones like sadness or anger, shouldn’t damage your reputation. Rather, it should bolster it. It takes serious maturity, self-reflection and honesty to understand your feelings and own them. It’s not easy to admit to yourself when something is wrong, especially in a society that preys upon vulnerability and exploits it as entertainment. It’s even more daunting to reveal these emotions to another person.

I’m slowly starting to embrace my feelings and let go of my fears. My emotions don’t make me less of a woman or a person. People who criticize me for my emotions likely fear my vulnerability too much to comprehend it. I’m strong for knowing how I feel, and I’m brave for leaning on my loved ones when I need help feeling better.

Chasity Maynard is a UF journalism freshman. Her column appears on Fridays.