Eavesdropping is natural, just make sure you’re good at it

Everyone has eavesdropped. If you say you haven’t, you’re lying. Some people describe eavesdropping as something only nosy or invasive people do. I don’t agree. I often find myself in places surrounded by people: a bus, a classroom, a restaurant, a library. You name it. In these places, people talk a lot, and there are times when I can’t help but listen.

For example, I remember a time when I lived in the dorms. I was in one of the common areas minding my own business, quietly seated reading a book on the couch. Out of nowhere, a girl comes into the room. She’s on the phone, and the conversation she’s having has her upset. My eyes meet hers, and she looks away. I attempt to continue reading my book, but her conversation progressed from angry whispers to full blown yelling. I sit my book on the coffee table and begin to scroll on my phone. I don’t know when or how it happened, but somehow, I become fully engrossed in her conversation. I learn the other person on the line is her boyfriend. Apparently, it is a long-distance relationship that is hanging on a thread. The girl is worried that her boyfriend is becoming distant and possibly seeing someone else.

I don’t know when it happened, but I started reacting to her conversation with my “uh-uh,” “um-um” and the occasional “oh, no girl.” At this point, I forgot that I was supposed to be quietly eavesdropping, but instead, I inserted myself into their entire conversation. It wasn’t until I said, “Girl, you need to leave him,” did I realize what I had done. The girl looked at me and chuckled. She ended the conversation with her boyfriend and looked at me. At that moment, I was ready to apologize. How could I have been so rude? What came next shook me to my core. She apologized to me. I was in the wrong, and yet, she apologized and quietly left the room.

I learned two valuable lessons that day. First, I have to find a better way to eavesdrop. Second, people are aware of your eavesdropping. If you think you can hide it, stop right there. Eight times out of 10, the person knows you’re listening. So you have to learn to be respectful when you're doing it.

Eavesdropping isn’t something normal people wake up and decide to do. Oftentimes, eavesdropping isn’t intentional. It doesn’t mean you’re a horrible person. Instead, eavesdropping is just something many of us have been doing out of habit. So when is it okay to eavesdrop?

Well, it all depends. People have been using technology to listen into other people’s conversation for years. That’s not eavesdropping. That’s spying. If you have to go behind someone’s back and use technology to listen to something, then you shouldn’t be listening to it. Stop being weird. Put down the phone and mind your business, and you should never eavesdrop with the intention of hurting someone.

If someone is in the privacy of their own home, room, office etc., then it’s not okay. Clearly, the person separated themselves from people in order to have a private conversation with someone else. Therefore, you should respect that and leave them alone. However, if someone willingly has a private conversation in a common area or in public with everyone else, then it’s fair game. You can’t have a conversation with people in a room and not expect them to listen. So if you don’t want to be eavesdropped on, make the proper arrangements to not be in a public setting.

There are many times when eavesdropping can work to your advantage. In high school, I overheard a conversation about UF’s application deadline. I made a mental note to myself, and the rest is history. If I didn’t eavesdrop on that conversation, there’s a high chance that I would have forgotten about the application deadline, and I would have never become a Gator. And then I would never be here, giving you advice on eavesdropping.

All in all, eavesdropping has been a part of our society since the dawn of time. Now it's just more prevalent with the use of cellphones. We all do it, even if you admit to it or not. It’s become something that we are wired to do. When done correctly, it doesn’t have to be a bad thing.

Anede Siffort is a UF journalism senior. Her column normally appears on Fridays.