In the world capital of awful weather, it is imperative to choose the correct armor.
We’ve all been there: The skies darken in a flurry of furious thunder and the air thickens until the angry clouds unleash a sheet of water and wind. All things considered, this is nearly a daily ritual in Gainesville; without the proper channels of defense, local students and native families stand no chance of remaining dry or sane. “What options exist?” is the logical question that follows. While there are a bounty of good options, only one truly satisfies the criteria for “excellent.”
Of all of the methods to ensure dryness, only two exist that are not objects to add to one’s arsenal but are instead forward-thinking actions one can take. A victim of a traditional Thursday storm could slice the amount of rain pelting them by simply increasing the pace that carries them through the storm. A sprint through the rain dwindles the damage a storm can cause; however, it is an extremely difficult art to master, similar to Kung Fu or Taekwondo, so attempting this strategy without practice and precision is not wise.
The other, safer, choice one can make to avoid the despair of being drenched is to avoid going outdoors completely. This strategy has a unique success rate of 100 percent, but its efficiency is not without caveats. Traveling down the path of isolation to avoid the rain displays a poorly aligned set of priorities. I personally know students who opt to miss club events, lectures and sometimes even exams because of the treacherous Gainesville wet season (which lasts for 12 months each year). If you have no reason to leave the safety of the indoors, this strategy is a powerful tool; however, unless you are allergic to water, it lacks the stability of other solutions.
While action is a powerful deterrent of water damage, it is not the only way to defend yourself, nor is it the strongest, in my opinion. I believe that accessories and clothing articles are the most effective method. Think about it. The perfect fashion piece can travel with you on the go, rendering the rain ineffective in both its malevolent purposes: getting you wet and wasting your time. While many think that the perfect portable rain guard is an umbrella, it is actually the versatile and chic raincoat that serves this function best.
The umbrella is a handy tool, no doubt. My intention is not to denigrate the integrity of this item to the point where it is viewed in a lesser light, rather to point out its lack of elevation compared to the Olympian glory of the raincoat. The umbrella can be stored in a backpack and unsheathed when necessary, which affords it great utility. It is also very common, especially in Gainesville, to see pedestrians sporting parasols. Some of the umbrellas even boast unique and exciting designs to showcase their owners’ personalities. Yet, all of these positive features amount to a handful of umbrella victories against a persistent winning streak for the raincoats.
The raincoat is the perfected version of rainwear, the distillation of all of the positive aspects of the umbrella in a more efficient package. Just like the umbrella, the raincoat is portable, but instead of rolling up the plastic layers of the rain shield, raincoats can remain on your person. This is no problem for fashion-forward coats, which can hide in plain sight with bomber jackets and other clothing and often do so in the masses of college students scurrying to class. Umbrellas are subject to the will of the wind, but raincoats can be zipped up and velcroed to stave off the effects. It is not that umbrellas, or even the action strategies of running faster or staying inside, are weak tools. Rather, raincoats are the ace in the sleeve of the army against getting wet. Used all together, the individual strengths of the three minor mechanisms against torrential downpour will yield positive results, but with the addition of a raincoat, the battle is won before it has begun. In the kingdom of choices for your rainwear needs, the raincoat reigns supreme.
Kyle Cunningham is a UF English and history freshman. His column appears on Fridays.
