When it comes to headlines and labels about my generation, I’ve heard it all: This cohort is a one-of-a-kind cocktail of avocado toast, music festivals, Snapchat and mindfulness retreats. We’ll have our La Croix and drink it, too, and we’ll take our Instagram likes with a side of instant gratification.
I’ll be the first to admit some of these descriptions are rooted in reality, but there’s more than meets the eye — and, just like older generations, our behaviors, perceptions and habits didn’t emerge in a vacuum. Growing up in the thick of a technological revolution has inherently made us early adopters of new ways of communicating, storytelling and connecting with others. This generation is reinventing the wheel with new ways of working, dating, living sustainably and building communities.
But through experiences with friends and classmates, I’ve discovered one not-so-glamorous truth about my generation. I realized while people my age can appear shameless on the surface, when it comes to personal problem-solving, dilemmas about relationships, career indecisiveness and other tough decisions-to-be-made, this generation of college-aged adults feeds on influence. Despite our mirror selfies and go-getter attitudes, it seems like so many of us simply don’t trust our own instincts.
I see it far too often with friends who are in relationships just for the sake of being in them, or with classmates who clearly have the passion for their industry but back out of opportunities because they’re not the trendiest or the most lucrative. My generation seems to preach mantras like “You do you” — but what will it take for us to actually believe in ourselves?
The idea of influence is manifested in interesting ways in today’s society. I see it every single day while picking apart my group messages. We’ve all been there: In the blink of an eye, a text with friends goes from zero (a casual space to arrange weekend plans) to 100 (a serious soundboard for dilemmas of all sorts). Group messages are something older generations, whose idea of a group text consisted of a static-filled rotary phone call, could only dream (or have nightmares) about — and now these unread notifications have become a powerful vehicle for social influence in their own right.
Group message culture gives us a weird power that has become normative; we can section off groups of people in our lives for different purposes, giving each multi-person message its own brand or voice. For example, my group chat with my brother and parents looks a little different than my group chat with my five best friends. Not only does each thread serve a purpose in sharing stories or laughs, but I know that sending the same message or question in each will provide a different response or opinion.
Even if we aren’t the ones instigating discussions via text that would be better reserved for in-person conversations, simply witnessing these digital phenomena -- messages that blossom into full-out relationship rants, screenshot-filled collages and career compasses — makes it dangerously convenient to get wrapped up in the influence of each other.—
The problem is not that we lean on people close to us or that we text our friends to ask for opinions. Rather, issues arise when we know what feels right for us, yet can’t move forward without validation from our social circle. When we consistently instigate a conversation just to invoke reactions from our friends, I can’t help but wonder if we’re seeking advice or just looking for attention.
Social psychologists define this act of internalizing the way others judge us — or the way we think others judge us — as reflected appraisals. I think people in my generation should realize that many of these seemingly real judgements are actually all in our head.
Even in an era marked by social influencers who dictate the cultural zeitgeist of style and entertainment, I think it’s time that we act as our own influencers and our own role models. We should be inspired by the positive people around us, but when it comes to making our next moves personally and professionally, let’s look beyond the group texts and start trusting ourselves again.
Darcy Schild is a UF journalism senior. Her column appears on Wednesdays.
