I’m a loud woman, and I refuse to shut up.
My younger cousin has developed a bit of a reputation as a troublemaker in the family and at school because of her outspoken nature. Despite being born into an Eastern culture that tries to soften its women into submission, she has grown with a loud voice and an unforgiving tongue. She says controversial things, starts conversations and challenges teachers and peers. I connect with her because I share her expressive personality and have also suffered because of it. In response to her exuberant personality, people isolate her, bully her, disregard what she says and put her down.
It makes me wonder, would the circumstances be different if she were born a boy? What if she was raised in a Western culture? Does the West have a superior level of equality for women anyway? Do we hear the voices of women and girls when they speak, or do we talk over them?
Boys who exhibit her qualities are praised as leaders. They are admired for having the courage to stand up to the status quo. They aren’t crazy; they’re innovators. They quickly rise to management positions and make great public speakers. Unfortunately, when men speak, we all listen a little harder. Women who are outspoken are painted as annoying, nagging, bossy or obnoxious. And if they get something we want or say something we don’t like, they’re called a b----. If the woman is a part of any other minority group, the treatment is often harsher.
I don’t believe there are even male equivalents to the types of slurs that are used against women. Curse words used against men criticize laziness, dumbness or rudeness. While words used to blast women take aim at admirable qualities like achievement, resilience, and confidence. People use words like “slut” or “nasty woman” to temper us, to make us softer, to keep us under control. We respond by overusing the word “sorry” and keeping our voices down in fear of being belittled or even worse — ignored.
Perhaps the most disturbing part of this unfair criticism toward women is that other women are often the ones taking the shots. We join in on these smears because we’re taught to be in competition with one another. We think there isn’t enough success for women to go around, so we try to tear each other down.
Because women already face so much discrimination for exhibiting leadership qualities, we don’t need to add to the already bitter climate. As women, let’s not use names men created to put us down.
It saddens me to think my cousin, who was gifted with such candid qualities and an expressive heart, is being taught she is inadequate because of these strengths. It’s a shame all these girls who are natural born leaders would be discouraged from asserting themselves. We should be encouraging girls to be themselves, especiallyif that means being ambitious.
The next time you are about to use a slur toward a woman or call her bossy, consider whether you would say the same about a man. Are your own jealousies clouding your perception? Women, don’t be afraid to be bold, loud or annoying. Don’t shrink to fit the world, make the world grow to fit you.
Layla Soboh is a UF advertising junior. Her column comes out Tuesday and Thursday.
