If you’re a student at UF and have been privy to dorm life, you are aware of the problems that can arise between roommates.
Sharing the same small room with two other people who also have bodily functions and who may be as messy and loud and inconvenient as you are is, without a doubt, challenging. But the skills you’ll learn handling conflicts among your roommates are life lessons in conflict resolution. You should keep those useful tools with you as you navigate a world full of lawsuits and arguments.
In conflict resolution, in both law and in life, there are a few things we know do not work. Resolution styles that amount to avoidance are not really resolving anything. In other words, if you choose to handle your problem by running away, joking about it or waiting for it to go away on its own, you aren’t solving it — I know, big shocker.
Say you like to go to bed at a comfortable midnight, which is a generously early estimate for college-age kids. If your roommate is constantly opening the door at 1 a.m. and searing your sleeping corneas with blinding fluorescent hallway light, think carefully before pulling the pillow over your head and going back to sleep every time. You’ll want to give your roommate early notice of his or her constant disruptions to your sleep. Speak up.
Once you’ve given them notice, consider their response. They might have a valid reason for going to the bathroom often during the night. The best situation is one where you both come to the negotiating table with concerns laid bare. If your roommate doesn’t like you, blows you off and is inconsiderate or just flat out denies they wronged you, take it up a level.
This is where people file a lawsuit in the adult world. In a UF residence hall, you’ll probably be taking that grievance to your resident assistant.
This is where you, your roommate and your resident assistant will go through a process similar to the initial process of a lawsuit. You’ll make allegations about frequent nighttime blinding. Your roommate may counter with a blunt denial of wrongdoing. They’ve got a point: They have every right to enter and leave the room as they please. Should you buy a sleep mask if it disturbs you? It’s their room, too.
It won’t really matter who’s right and who’s wrong. Your resident assistant will do what courts like to do — force you into mediation, avoiding beating each other over the head at trial. You can sit down with a disinterested third party and work on a compromise.
The idea that it’ll be a win-win situation is a bit misleading, because it’ll likely be as much lose-lose as win-win. That’s the nature of compromise. You give to gain, even if you end up better than total loss.
If this doesn’t sound great, be grateful you and your roommate aren’t in court. There is still the best alternative of all: cooperation. If you can cooperate without the resident assistant, you can invest both of your time and creativity to have no issue.
If, on the other hand, you are the inconsiderate one: Watch out. You may wind up driving away your current roommate and end up with someone who is as troublesome as you.
If you don’t play nice in the adult world, you wind up not only tarred and feathered in lawsuits, but you’ll also find yourself without friends and employees. Pretend the world is a big dorm room. You’ll go further.
Stephan Chamberlin is a UF political science junior. His column comes out Tuesday and Thursday.
