Whether you choose to be a bra-burning feminist or not, remember to be happy

Amid the chaotic portrayal of parenting while newly divorced on ABC’s new sitcom, “Splitting Up Together,” appears Mae. She’s the middle-school-aged daughter of well-meaning parents played by Jenna Fischer and Oliver Hudson. When we first meet Mae, we learn she has forgone buying lunch in favor of buying a mug labeled “Male Tears.”

Her expression — emotionless, tense and brooding — doesn’t change much in the two episodes that have aired thus far. She reads Jessica Valenti’s “Sex Object: A Memoir” in the corner as she calls out her father for his subtly misogynistic parenting style, asking why he only wrestles with her brothers.

In the second episode, we see her parents struggling with how to raise a “budding feminist,” while lovingly encouraging her to lighten up. Who can blame them? They don’t want their daughter to turn into one of those angry, bra-burning feminists they see represented in movies and on television shows.

Despite important progress, especially in recent years, feminism is still a dirty word.

Rather than bringing to mind average people who want equality for all gender identities, the word “feminist” connotes visions of seething man-haters. This representation discourages those who don’t identify as feminists from standing with a set of ideals that benefits all of us. And for the proud feminists, it tells our collective subconscious we can’t enjoy our lives while simultaneously fighting for the end of the patriarchy.

Accepting this almost makes sense because rage is incredibly powerful. It was the emotion behind the Women’s March, the “Me Too” and “Time’s Up” movements and countless revolutions that came before. Anger has fueled women to write books, to protest and to run for office. It has an important place in the resistance, and it will continue to push us forward.

On the same token, quieting that anger and tuning out politics is a privilege not all of us have. When women of color, transgender people and disabled women live in a system that works against them, blissful ignorance of reality shouldn’t be an option for white, cisgender, nondisabled feminists.

But does this mean we can’t experience happiness until the patriarchy is toppled and equality is achieved?

Jill Filipovic, author of “The H-Spot: The Feminist Pursuit of Happiness,” says no. Despite the fact we’re living in a country that stands on the notion that only “all men” are entitled to “the pursuit of happiness,” she says that shouldn’t stop us from trying.

“It has to be a collective, social and political effort to say that female happiness matters — and male happiness matters, too,” she told HuffPost. Until our government and its policies recognize that, we can, and we should, find moments of joy.

Rage can start the fire, but happiness keeps it burning. If we devote all of our energy to fighting, we’ll exhaust ourselves before we can reach our goals. We can laugh at clever protest signs, drink too much at our feminist book clubs and celebrate when progressive women are elected to local, state and national office.

We can close the eternally open Twitter tabs on our computers and open makeup tutorials. We can enjoy a really good burger and have really good sex. We can stop to celebrate how far we’ve come and then keep going.

Each of us has the choice of being a perpetually angry bra-burner like those portrayed in the media, or we can just be feminists, fighting for a world where we all have the same opportunities.

But remember, in a society that excludes us from the pursuit of happiness, choosing to be happy anyway is an act of rebellion in itself.

Carly Breit is a UF journalism senior. Her column focuses on feminism.